I live in a household with four other people. Three little humans that depend on me. I supervise countless students and employees and work with numerous families throughout my daily life. I have a pretty solid support system, if you want to call it that, I have people I can turn to if needed. I have friends who genuinely care about me, at least I think! The point is, there’s plenty of people, so why on somedays do I feel so alone?
It’s usually the days where I have so many thoughts in my head, but I have nobody to call.
I talk so much, I know I can be a lot to some people because quite honestly, I’m a lot to myself sometimes! Some days, I don’t care. Some days, I do. The days I do is when I truly should talk to others the most, but I don’t want to be a burden or a bother.
Some days, I really just want to talk to my sister, because she was always there, but then I have to face reality that I can’t do that. So I keep it all inside.
Feeling alone seriously happens and consider yourself lucky if you’ve never felt this way, it’s not a nice feeling. You can be surrounded by so many different people, yet you feel like you don’t exist. For me, it’s because I get lost in my own mind, really I pretend everyone else doesn’t exist. I think it can work both ways. I get so caught up in my thoughts, the what ifs, the fuck this sucks, the nobody will understand, that I forget to remember what is right in front of me in the present.
I don’t think that’s a bad thing per say. I just think that it’s something that happens sometimes and we have to remember that it shall pass. That feeling of loneliness that appears every now and then, it goes away and you’re reminded of all of the people you have around you. If you can just make it through those lonely times, there is someone out there for everyone, and someone who you can find to talk to. Sometimes, you have to not be scared to make those connections, because those connections can save us. I can be one of those people if you’re feeling like nobody is listening or you’re scared to talk to someone in person, because the world is terrifying. Anonymously, reach out. I will try to just listen because it sucks to feel lonely, but it sucks even more when you can’t fight the urge to give up. Here’s your sign, PLEASE DON’T GIVE UP! Find your happiness, fuck what everyone else thinks, and just be you!