Moms and Depression

advice, anxiety, depression, mental health, Parenting, thoughts, trigger warning

Mom Kills 5 Children and Herself, Notes left behind scream Mental Health Issues

I’ll summarize the article above as it fucking sucks to read.

A 25 year old mom of 5 kids, 3 biologically hers and 2 step children.

She killed all of the kids, set the house on fire, before shooting herself in the head outside at the picnic table.

She left notes explaining her mental health state and how she lost the battle.

Something I don’t understand: why the children?

This topic is a controversial one as many people won’t understand how it got to be this bad.

The husband ignored the signs. He probably thought she was crying out for attention. He called off a welfare check because he thought she was okay despite her constant texts that she was not.

The next day, all of his kids would be gone.

My heart hurts for the ones left behind, for those children who endured this evil act, and for the mom.

Moms, we deal with a lot of shit sometimes.

We’re out in this world trying to play the roles of multiple people and then people question us when we lose our shit.

We’re almost expected to run households while also trying to keep up with the demands of the world.

This mom killed herself and her family because she lost the support she had for 10 days! Her husband went to stay at his fathers to be closer to work and she was supposed to hold the fort down.

Only she couldn’t. Because she was 25 years old trying to raise five young children.

I’m 30 trying to raise 3 children and let me tell you, it’s not easy.

I watched my mom try to kill herself multiple times because the pressure became too much.

I’m not saying what she did was right, I’m just saying it’s time for people to stop expecting mom’s to uphold this superhero role. It’s unrealistic and a lot of mothers are struggling.

Families are broken these days. Moms are often left to figure it out. More moms than dads but for the dads who feel like this too, I’m not discrediting you at all!

Parents in general, if you feel alone, reach out to someone. Save your babies before you hurt them. It’s not cool to put the kids through things because you can’t mentally handle it and it’s OK to say that you can’t do it!

Our minds are crazy and can really cause us to do things that we regret. In this ladies case, had she had someone just check in on her, maybe the kids would still be here and maybe she would be too!

Check on your friends and parents, hang in there. We are all just surviving the best we can!

-Dear Perception

Slow Demise 💥

anxiety, mental health, thoughts

Sometimes, poetry won’t cut it when you feel like your brain is maxing out.

I’m on the verge of having an anxiety attack.

I recognize the precursors by now.

There’s a tightness in my stomach, my back is aching, my head hurts, I can’t sleep.

Now I’m like a ticking time bomb to nobody but myself.

Waiting for the hyperventilation to start.

Waiting for the tears to fall and not stop.

Waiting for the never ending thoughts to amplify in my head, every negative thing at one time. All of the pain, the struggle, the future, the past, the happiness, all of it merges together and explodes.

In those moments, there’s no control of my emotions.

I don’t like when things are out of control.

I am a problem solver. I find solutions. I don’t make excuses.

In these states of panic, I’m none of those things.

I’m just drained.

I’m tired.

I don’t want to do a damn thing anymore until this stupid attack happens and I can move forward.

However, I have to do the things. Right?

Who else is going to do it?

So my battle begins internally once more.

How much longer until anxiety wins?

-Dear Perception

Anxiety Nights

anxiety, depression, mental health, Poetry, thoughts

Tonight’s one of those nights,

Where things creep into my mind.

Staring blankly at the black screen under my closed eyes.

The vibe just isn’t right.

My heart keeps jolting inside.

Searching for answers I can’t find.

So I sit and take in the silence.

But…

The questions never end.

It’s all starting to blend.

Why that and why this.

I’m so tired of this shit.

I don’t even know how to react sometimes.

I think about giving this life back sometimes.

I truly wish, that I wouldn’t slack sometimes.

Anxiety, is fucking wack sometimes.

You gotta be, a lot stronger than your mind.

Intelligence is built from a real small line.

Open up, to other perspectives.

Stop arguing, shut up, and listen!

-Dear Perception

No Escape

anxiety, depression, mental health, Poetry, thoughts
Photo cred: Mat Reding

They say that we all live to die.

My question is why?

Why do we build up this life?

When in the end we say bye?

Does our life serve a purpose?

Have we created fictional versions

Of what life is supposed to be

Making it a harder excursion.

We give and we take

Some take more than others

Some give more away

Some do things for cover.

Make themselves feel better.

Smile on their face, camera rolling.

The video will break records.

Social media has become so controlling.

Open your eyes.

Be a silent observer.

Take in other’s mind.

Learn to do better!

In the end we all die.

That’s not a lie. I must say.

Your grave will be no bigger than mine.

In the end, there’s no escape!

-Dear Perception

Neutral eMotions

anxiety, Poetry, thoughts

All of a sudden time stops for a moment.

Your world stops.

Nothing else matters.

Your mind becomes blocked.

Then suddenly it’s clear to see.

Living in a world of pain.

The purpose of life is now so real.

Life is a losing game.

Grief never leaves.

The what if’s never stop.

The agony inside takes over.

It will never be what it was.

I try not to think.

I think too much.

Who am I?

What do I want?

I live for others.

Not myself.

I want everyone to be happy.

Hopefully nobody can tell.

I don’t know what I’m doing.

In this life that I have for myself.

Everyday I keep doing it though.

Only time is going to tell.

-Dear Perception

❤️ Internal Battles 🧠

advice, anxiety, depression, mental health, Poetry, thoughts

Sit back, let’s have a conversation and relax.

Brain: You do realize you don’t have time for that.

Enlighten me with your life’s stories.

Anxiety: This doesn’t seem like a good idea to me.

If you need anything, just let me know.

Heart: You’re always trying to cover up your sorrow.

I can’t wait for the next time we hang out.

Depression: You know you’re going to cancel, just cancel that now.

I’m waking up, I got so much to do.

Mind: You say that everyday, that’s nothing new.

I need a break, let me sit down and scroll.

Brain: I thought today you were gonna break that cycle.

The day is flying by, I feel so unaccomplished,

Anxiety: Omg, there’s so much shit.

I have tomorrow, let me rest today.

Heart: Yeah, the ones you love need you anyway .

I’m stressing now, when will it all stop.

Depression: you could end it anytime that you wanted.

Deep breaths, that’s what they say to do.

Mind: Come on you know that doesn’t work for you.

Yeah, you’re right, I think I’m running out of options.

Brain: No you’re not, you haven’t even really thought about them.

Keep pushing, I’m stronger than I know.

Anxiety: People expect you to keep up the facade bro.

It’s never ending, smile, and push on.

Heart: Do it for the ones you love, be strong.

I do it all the time, no excuses to be made.

Depression: Yes and then you cry at the end of the day.

Behind closed doors, what I do is my business.

Mind: Yeah, but can you even handle it?

-Dear Perception

Never ending Days

advice, anxiety, thoughts

Right now the days feel like they fly by.

But that won’t last forever.

There’s so much to do with so little time.

Time we all borrow together.

As history continues to repeat.

We will only remain a generation.

One of the many, many families.

Passing blood down to the next of kin.

We are born here to repopulate and die.

Like the rest of the animals around us.

Is your purpose greater than mine?

I don’t think I’m one to judge.

Day by day and night by night.

Sun up to sun down, moonrise.

My thoughts quickly consume my mind.

I can no longer hold them inside.

My life is on a continuous track.

My joy slowly depleting.

I have to try to get myself back.

Find the me I used to be.

Be that mom with patience.

Be the woman with pride.

Be the young girl who was fearless

Be the one who wants to strive.

Right now my days are never ending.

They blend together so well.

Right now, I need to stop being an enemy.

Especially to myself.

-Dear Perception

When Parenting Gets Hard 💔

anxiety, Parenting, thoughts

Do you know when parenting gets hard?

When you have to start being honest with yourself about the way your kids might turn out.

When you have to start being a little tougher when you know that all you want to do is hold them in your arms.

When the tears that used to be cute aren’t cute anymore.

When they struggle with right and wrong and you try so hard to guide them.

When you have to stop making the decisions for them.

When they have to learn about consequences and you can only watch.

When life starts becoming too real for them and you can’t stop it.

When you have to accept the fact that your children are not you.

When you learn that you have to deal with each child differently.

When parenting begins to feel exhausting.

That’s when parenting gets hard.

Sometimes I’m at a loss at what to do.

I feel like I fucking suck as a parent.

All I want to do is make sure my kids feel they can depend on me. That they are safe with me.

Sometimes I feel like I’m not doing enough.

One day at a time for all the parents out there.

I think we all have these days. I think we all struggle sometimes as a parent.

It’s okay to not be okay.

It’s not okay to stay that way.

When parenting gets hard, figure out how to make it better.

Parenting doesn’t come with a manual.

Make sure you’re writing a decent one.

-Dear Perception

Everything is Always Fine ❤️

advice, anxiety, depression, mental health, Poetry, thoughts

It’s creeping up, I’m trying to run.

Will I escape, I’m tired of these games.

I don’t know my fate, my mind goes insane.

The wires are crossed and I’m feeling rage.

It’s mixed with fear, it’s mixed with grief.

It’s mixed with the trauma that’s buried deep.

I preach and I preach.

But do I practice what I mean.

Can I do all of these things?

Can I do these things myself?

Can I listen to my own help?

Probably not.

But if I don’t try to help others.

Do I ignore them instead?

I’m good at this!

I try to help others think about things like me.

I try to help them identify their problems you see?

I can offer up solutions that come out quite easy.

Then I can go home and act blind and turn my cheek.

Just stay busy.

Stick to the plan.

Time and time again.

But I’m getting kinda tired

If I can be a little honest.

I’m not sure I want to do this.

-Shut up depression.

Let me get back to it.

All I need is some music.

A little time outside.

A little time to clear my thoughts.

Everything is always fine. ❤️

-Dear Perception

Positive Vibes Your Way 😌😌

advice, anxiety, depression, mental health, thoughts

I’ve taken a break from writing, although I’m trying to make a comeback.

Can we talk about how fucking crazy life has been for a second?

I’m not sure what everyone else is up to, but I’m busy AF!

Work, kids, home life, and to be quite honest, reading has been consuming my writing time.

I’m super deep in a book and once I finish it, I’ll review it for you all.

As for now, here’s a check in.

Mentally, I feel the stress and the chaos, anxiety and depression trying to win, however it won’t.

At least not yet anyway.

There’s a ton of positive and negative things in my life but I think we all have positive and negative situations and it really just depends on how you view the situation and if you are going to dwell on the negative situations, find solutions for them, or completely ignore them.

Whatever you choose to do, I hope it’s the choice that makes you happy and feeling more positive.

Take out the sage.

Light some candles.

Go to church and pray.

Read that book you keep putting off.

Whatever it is that makes you feel peaceful, do it.

Be happy but realistically happy. Don’t be the sprinkles that overdo the fucking cake happy.

Just be the amount of sprinkles that makes you and others around you happy to be in your company!

Happy writing and happy reading or happy doing whatever the hell makes you happy!

-Dear Perception