When Parenting Gets Hard 💔

anxiety, Parenting, thoughts

Do you know when parenting gets hard?

When you have to start being honest with yourself about the way your kids might turn out.

When you have to start being a little tougher when you know that all you want to do is hold them in your arms.

When the tears that used to be cute aren’t cute anymore.

When they struggle with right and wrong and you try so hard to guide them.

When you have to stop making the decisions for them.

When they have to learn about consequences and you can only watch.

When life starts becoming too real for them and you can’t stop it.

When you have to accept the fact that your children are not you.

When you learn that you have to deal with each child differently.

When parenting begins to feel exhausting.

That’s when parenting gets hard.

Sometimes I’m at a loss at what to do.

I feel like I fucking suck as a parent.

All I want to do is make sure my kids feel they can depend on me. That they are safe with me.

Sometimes I feel like I’m not doing enough.

One day at a time for all the parents out there.

I think we all have these days. I think we all struggle sometimes as a parent.

It’s okay to not be okay.

It’s not okay to stay that way.

When parenting gets hard, figure out how to make it better.

Parenting doesn’t come with a manual.

Make sure you’re writing a decent one.

-Dear Perception

Everything is Always Fine ❤️

advice, anxiety, depression, mental health, Poetry, thoughts

It’s creeping up, I’m trying to run.

Will I escape, I’m tired of these games.

I don’t know my fate, my mind goes insane.

The wires are crossed and I’m feeling rage.

It’s mixed with fear, it’s mixed with grief.

It’s mixed with the trauma that’s buried deep.

I preach and I preach.

But do I practice what I mean.

Can I do all of these things?

Can I do these things myself?

Can I listen to my own help?

Probably not.

But if I don’t try to help others.

Do I ignore them instead?

I’m good at this!

I try to help others think about things like me.

I try to help them identify their problems you see?

I can offer up solutions that come out quite easy.

Then I can go home and act blind and turn my cheek.

Just stay busy.

Stick to the plan.

Time and time again.

But I’m getting kinda tired

If I can be a little honest.

I’m not sure I want to do this.

-Shut up depression.

Let me get back to it.

All I need is some music.

A little time outside.

A little time to clear my thoughts.

Everything is always fine. ❤️

-Dear Perception

Positive Vibes Your Way 😌😌

advice, anxiety, depression, mental health, thoughts

I’ve taken a break from writing, although I’m trying to make a comeback.

Can we talk about how fucking crazy life has been for a second?

I’m not sure what everyone else is up to, but I’m busy AF!

Work, kids, home life, and to be quite honest, reading has been consuming my writing time.

I’m super deep in a book and once I finish it, I’ll review it for you all.

As for now, here’s a check in.

Mentally, I feel the stress and the chaos, anxiety and depression trying to win, however it won’t.

At least not yet anyway.

There’s a ton of positive and negative things in my life but I think we all have positive and negative situations and it really just depends on how you view the situation and if you are going to dwell on the negative situations, find solutions for them, or completely ignore them.

Whatever you choose to do, I hope it’s the choice that makes you happy and feeling more positive.

Take out the sage.

Light some candles.

Go to church and pray.

Read that book you keep putting off.

Whatever it is that makes you feel peaceful, do it.

Be happy but realistically happy. Don’t be the sprinkles that overdo the fucking cake happy.

Just be the amount of sprinkles that makes you and others around you happy to be in your company!

Happy writing and happy reading or happy doing whatever the hell makes you happy!

-Dear Perception

Refocused .💭. Thoughts

anxiety, Poetry, thoughts

Focus on not focusing.

Clear your head.

Deep breathing.

But don’t think about the breath.

Excuse me? Come again!

That shit seems impossible.

Undesirable.

My mind is blown.

You’re telling me,

you can do these things?

Stop your thoughts,

tranquilize your own mind?

My mind filled up with songs.

These thoughts won’t leave no matter how hard I try!

I know you’re not supposed to try though.

You’re supposed to relax.

Kick back.

Don’t think about the past!

Fuck that.

These continuous thoughts won’t stop unless I move.

Stay busy and refocused, then those thoughts go too.

Meditation may be something I don’t know how to do.

I’ve spent my whole life finding ways to drown out the noise in my head.

Pick up a book and read instead.

Overstimulated.

Then I write.

Take the thoughts out of my mind.

Stopping them? That will never be.

I’ll keep finding ways that work for me!

-Dear Perception

🌩 Before the Storm ⛈

anxiety, depression, mental health, Poetry, thoughts

My head is filling up again

With tasks and priorities

Will it pop, how will this end?

I don’t think I’m ready.

I’m not ready to be angry.

I’m not ready to feel weak.

I’m not ready for virtual learning.

I’m not ready for a damn thing.

I want to stay in the moment.

The moment before shit hits the fan.

The moment before I lose my cool.

The moment before I fuck up again.

Can I depress before I explode?

That’s an answer that I don’t know!

It’s day by day, night by night.

How long will my brain try to fight?

Stay tuned till the next time.

Fingers crossed this all ends right!

-Dear Perception

Drained? Draining? 🤷‍♀️

advice, anxiety, depression, mental health, Parenting, thoughts

Ok, so I know I usually post some pretty uplifting stuff, or at least try to find the positive in it. Although this post will not be super positive, I’ll continue to try to look for the lesson that is being taught.

One of the days this week was a hard day. Life has been a little stressful with work picking back up. That’s fine though, I love my job and working keeps my mind occupied for sure. Working two jobs is getting a little more stressful as well, but again, I signed up for it so I’m not about to complain about that whatsoever, I just know it has played a roll in my mental status a bit.

However, anxiety and depression can strike out of nowhere. You can feel like you’re doing alright and then a fucking train of sadness and overwhelmed feelings take over your mind. There’s no need to run from the train, you couldn’t even if you tried. I welcome the wreck with open arms, ready to see how I can fight my emotions.

There was a day where it was a little more challenging to hold it together and not lose my shit. However, we’re almost through the week and I’m still alright. I still can’t shake the anxious feeling, did I fuck up sometime? Can I do better tomorrow? Am I missing something? Am I doing a good job? Do I know what I’m doing? Am I getting too comfortable? Should I check my professionalism? Have I been there for my kids? Am I listening to them? Giving them enough attention?

The questions are never-ending and never answered. There may not be an answer to any of these damn questions, but I ask them in my head anyway. Over-analyzing everything constantly.

Reassurance is needed although I limit who I seek it from. Life changes and it’s my job to change with it. Bobbin’ and weavin’ whatever life is throwing at me. Becoming stronger for the next stage or at least trying to.

It helps me to stop and think about my life. Evaluate it. Analyze it. Figure out what’s stressing me out and draining me and then make modifications to make life less draining. It typically involves self analyzing where I’m allocating my time. Where can I be most hopeful to fulfill my empath tendencies? That in and of itself is draining as well so where is the break?

The take away is, identify what’s triggering you and make the changes to prevent that from happening.

We all max out at some point. The weekend is to recharge and take the time to take a break from all the shit in life that is stressing you out. I pick one day at least to try and do that. Cleaning is a way that I relieve stress so I clean. Sometimes I write, read, spend a lot of time on my phone. Anything that you want that gets you out of the environment that is making you stressed. If you can’t leave, read a book, you escape to a fantasy land for a bit, sometimes that helps me.

Whatever you do, remember to recharge in some way when you are feeling drained, overwhelmed, or like life is starting to get harder or just shitty.

You have the right to take time to be selfish. Remember that!

-Dear Perception

I Choose to Stay Quiet

advice, anxiety, depression, mental health, Parenting, thoughts

🤐🤐🤐🤐🤐🤐🤐🤐🤐🤐🤐🤐🤐🤐🤐🤐🤐

Externally, I’m vocally silent.

Internally, I’m screaming with rage.

Externally, my face is neutral.

Internally, the fire is ablaze.

It’s a mystery how I got to this point.

How I figured out when to shut up.

It took many years, many feelings hurt, many fights.

But I learned when enough is enough.

Sometimes speaking wastes my energy.

Sometimes my words get lost in the fury.

So I wait and I ponder .

I tear myself up.

Till I’m ready to say what I really want.

It comes out much smoother when the fire goes out.

I can talk without exploding.

Sometimes the conversation goes well.

Sometimes there’s no smooth sailing.

So the pattern repeats, I choose to stay quiet.

What’s the point in arguing these days.

My silence, oh I know it speaks volumes.

Plus, I’m fucking tired anyway!

-Dear Perception

You Can’t Save the World

anxiety, mental health, thoughts

I mean, why the fuck not though?

Oh, I know. You’ll give yourself never ending work and forget to mentally rest.

Drive yourself crazy trying to fix everything and everyone around you.

You’ll put yourself last because everyone else’s life is more important sometimes.

Always being there for everyone.

Seeming like the yes girl.

But I want to save the world.

I want to spread smiles.

I want to spread joy.

I want to spread positivity.

I have a lot of desire. I’m aware.

Someone once told me that I couldn’t save the world.

No, I won’t save the world.

I will help a family at work or save someone’s life by reaching out when nobody else will!

I can be there for a friend even though I really don’t want to be sometimes.

I can listen more than respond.

I can support and be honest.

There are a ton of things that I can do that won’t be saving the world at all.

But to me, at least it’s a contribution to the mission.

-Dear Perception

*CW: Fucked Upness

anxiety, black lives matter, Poetry, racism, Social Injustice, thoughts, trigger warning
Vectorstock.com

I used to think life was hard.

Until I became more aware.

I started looking around me

And I started to care.

Everyone I see

Is living with anxiety

Because that’s the way society

Would really like for us to be.

Fearful and scared.

Quivering in the corner.

Slap on your mask.

That’s governor’s orders.

Scroll through your newsfeed

In reality it’s all the same

Scroll by mindlessly.

Pandemic talk, did you hear? There’s a new plague

But wait….

What about Epstein?

Have you seen the latest news?

Sex trafficking is real.

The suspects look like me and you.

They may have money, what the fuck?

It may be the one you never thought would be the one.

Fucked upness doesn’t stop there.

Racism is alive and living ain’t fair.

The economy is crashing.

But let’s focus on the kids.

School is almost back in session.

Virtual or classroom, take a pick.

Another wave of stimulus checks.

Yay, that’ll pay another month’s rent.

But then… what’s next?

Landlords starting to evict.

Streets are crowding, filling up quick.

Where do people go now when they get sick?

Hospitals are full, fingers crossed you make it.

This is it?

This is life?

Black lives matter.

Wash your hands. 20 seconds no less.

Wear your mask.

Back the blue .

Help the needy. Do what you can do.

Save the kids.

Fuck Cancer.

Vaccines, abortions.

This is not another trend.

This is it?

This is life?

Do your best.

Survive.

*Note: I hope everyone is doing okay and I really hope this poem doesn’t affect you. It’s real life and if you’re going through any of this I wish there was a way to help. If anyone needs help I can share and publicize fundraisers and what not. I’m hoping for better days soon! Stay strong. We’re in the together! 💪