Moms and Depression

advice, anxiety, depression, mental health, Parenting, thoughts, trigger warning

Mom Kills 5 Children and Herself, Notes left behind scream Mental Health Issues

I’ll summarize the article above as it fucking sucks to read.

A 25 year old mom of 5 kids, 3 biologically hers and 2 step children.

She killed all of the kids, set the house on fire, before shooting herself in the head outside at the picnic table.

She left notes explaining her mental health state and how she lost the battle.

Something I don’t understand: why the children?

This topic is a controversial one as many people won’t understand how it got to be this bad.

The husband ignored the signs. He probably thought she was crying out for attention. He called off a welfare check because he thought she was okay despite her constant texts that she was not.

The next day, all of his kids would be gone.

My heart hurts for the ones left behind, for those children who endured this evil act, and for the mom.

Moms, we deal with a lot of shit sometimes.

We’re out in this world trying to play the roles of multiple people and then people question us when we lose our shit.

We’re almost expected to run households while also trying to keep up with the demands of the world.

This mom killed herself and her family because she lost the support she had for 10 days! Her husband went to stay at his fathers to be closer to work and she was supposed to hold the fort down.

Only she couldn’t. Because she was 25 years old trying to raise five young children.

I’m 30 trying to raise 3 children and let me tell you, it’s not easy.

I watched my mom try to kill herself multiple times because the pressure became too much.

I’m not saying what she did was right, I’m just saying it’s time for people to stop expecting mom’s to uphold this superhero role. It’s unrealistic and a lot of mothers are struggling.

Families are broken these days. Moms are often left to figure it out. More moms than dads but for the dads who feel like this too, I’m not discrediting you at all!

Parents in general, if you feel alone, reach out to someone. Save your babies before you hurt them. It’s not cool to put the kids through things because you can’t mentally handle it and it’s OK to say that you can’t do it!

Our minds are crazy and can really cause us to do things that we regret. In this ladies case, had she had someone just check in on her, maybe the kids would still be here and maybe she would be too!

Check on your friends and parents, hang in there. We are all just surviving the best we can!

-Dear Perception

Move Forward

advice, mental health, thoughts

Stop going back to the same shit!

It’s time to move forward and never question why it happened. If it happened, there was a reason.

Give the same energy other people give. Fuck benefits of the doubt, fuck that they might be a good person, that you can shape them.

I say we give time limits.

Set boundaries, up your standards realistically.

If you’re a good person, if you provide and survive independently, then chase that shit.

If you’re not, then don’t expect to have someone just come in and take care of you.

Match your partner!

Match your friends!

Match the energy!

I pay attention to how I feel.

I make decisions based on the energy and the analyzed situation.

I don’t jump into things without thinking.

I think too much sometimes but that’s okay, if I’m wrong I’m wrong.

I’m not scared to admit that I have flaws and make mistakes.

The human population has turned into this competitive melting pot and we are all just melting.

Melting into pools of blood and tears of sadness.

The population kills itself because life is too difficult and complex for us to understand. So we give up.

Some don’t but some do and it’s terrifying.

Terrifying that we literally control ourselves but we can’t control ourselves.

That we choose to make excuses or we can’t grasp the concept of working harder and being better than our examples.

You grew up and believe it or not, what you do as an adult typically mirrors your elders, all of them.

Your parents or caregivers, your teachers, your older peers.

You look around and see things and you like them. Why? Why do you like them?

Is it something beneficial that you are mirroring?

Think deeper and question yourself instead of others.

Think beyond what you were taught and what you see.

Think about who you are when nobody is looking.

Are you happy with yourself? 

-Dear Perception

Rethink your Thoughts 🤐

mental health, Poetry, thoughts

I want to be positive.

I want to calm my mind, quiet it.

Just for a bit.

I want to be peaceful.

I want nothing to affect my soul.

That’s the goal.

I want to be a kind person.

One that is constantly learning.

The desire is burning.

The problem is there’s too much to know.

There’s not enough time for me to divulge,

In endless knowledge, you know?

So day in and day out, I get lost.

Distractions are surrounding us.

Look up.

Absorb your environment.

Connect and thrive in it.

You’re on a time limit.

Do you want to be positive?

Do you want to calm your mind and quiet it?

Just for a bit?

-Dear Perception

Reflection 💭

mental health, Poetry, thoughts

I’m not at my best.

This is hard to confess.

Yet when I look up in the mirror.

I see a fucking broken mess.

There’s things I wish I handled better.

Signs that I should get myself together.

I don’t quite understand the way I operate.

There’s levels inside that I must learn to navigate.

Unlock the triggers that set me off.

The train is wrecking but maybe it could stop.

If I just sit and think of how to calm my mind.

The mechanisms in place don’t work all the time.

They say to breathe in and out and in again.

They say to take a walk, don’t let the demons win.

They don’t deny that the demons lie within.

That’s darkness talking, light must overcome this.

The problem is that darkness there is pretty strong .

He takes the light and makes it seem all wrong.

It’s easy to turn my back when I’m just going along.

Stuck in this zombie stage, can’t get out of it mode.

Is that because I often tend to lose myself.

To try to please the world and save everyone else?

The changes that need to be made start with me.

Make the decision to figure it out and set myself free.

-Dear Perception

Persistence

mental health, Poetry, thoughts

Sometimes my mind’s not right.

So I sit and I write.

With endless thoughts coming out.

Silently but it shouts.

Screaming for change.

Thirsting for anything.

Different.

Seeking but not finding.

Potential is really blinding.

My heart just isn’t in it.

Shut down and abort the mission.

Till the next time.

Should there be a common one to find.

I breathe without thinking.

Same way I operate on a daily living.

Numb.

What have I become?

I’m usually not the one.

To turn down fun.

But now I run.

Shelter in place.

Get out of my face.

I don’t have time to deal with your shit today.

I’m not in the mood.

Yours is killing mine too.

Let’s separate to keep the peace.

Why can’t this be easy?

Strength.

Encouraging it seems to be.

To be the strongest version of me.

Diversions they seem.

To divert the truths.

What’s the use?

When there’s always an excuse?

Persistence.

The drive to avoid the distance.

The time that it takes to conquer and divide.

Is too long so we see some resistance.

Giving up ain’t in my blood.

I’ll bleed out until I’m done.

The reality is that there’s still more.

More to explore.

More to endure.

This can’t be the best version of me.

I continue along the self-realization journey.

I encourage you all to join me.

-Dear Perception

Crucial Conversations 🤭

advice, mental health, Poetry, thoughts

What do they call it when life is stable?

When everything is like those families you see on cable?

Where everything feels “normal” and there’s no interruptions?

The most I have to worry about is waking up in the morning?

Content, at peace, that’s what some would say.

Fortunate, blessed, there are many names.

For the things that I am, but not for what it takes.

To get to this place in the first place.

It’s not about being lucky, it’s not about being fortunate.

It’s about hard work and putting in the effort for it.

It’s about long days and nights, mental health declines.

It’s about understanding it’s another sleepless night.

There’s a lot of breakdowns along the way.

I cry many tears and there’s a lot I have to say.

I speak my mind freely, because I truly don’t mind.

Giving someone a different perspective, being present in time.

I evaluate the world around me, I soak it all in.

Most importantly, I stop and I listen.

I listen before I respond and jump.

I listen before I let my emotions speak up.

I listen to how someone is portraying their body.

I listen to how the words are coming out, loudly or softly?

I’ve learned to listen as I’ve been on this path.

This never-ending train of constant wreck.

I am fortunate enough to earn my way.

Putting in work every single day.

I have a lot of weaknesses I’m figuring out.

I try to find a way to turn them around.

Like why the fuck do I speak so loudly?

And why do I cut so deep when I speak?

Let’s have these conversations with ourselves and one another.

Let’s try to understand a little more about each other.

Don’t be afraid of what others have to say.

Instead embrace the words in your own kind of way.

-Dear Perception

Speaking of Reality

mental health, Poetry, thoughts

Breathe in and breathe out.

Is that the light?

I was born into this world ready to die.

Where is my mind?

Developing, still just cells.

Who will I become?

Only time will tell.

It’s been years and years

I’ve yet to discover who I am

Other than a case full of anxiety and stress.

Overwhelmed, I’m failing at my own tests.

Chin up, dry those tears,

You are stronger than you appear.

When I was born, I didn’t know there was a future till it became clear.

Life isn’t what you make it but how you take it.

Life is a forever canvas that starts blank.

Fill it up with the experience then wipe it away.

Come back on a rainy day.

When you’re weak as fuck and your emotions can relate.

When you find the courage to demolish the slate.

When you throw it all out, release your mind, you can create.

Life is about interpretation.

A battle of the mind and the soul.

A losing one if you let your mind take control.

There’s a common denominator between yourself and I.

We are all human and we will all die.

Beyond that, we are all just trying to survive.

So tell me why…

Do you think that you’re better than the rest?

When in reality we could all just be friends.

We could help each other out instead of competing.

We could realize that we all need a heart to beat.

We could hold out our hands, tell others we understand.

Let them know that it’s okay.

Let them know it’s normal to break.

Let them know that we’ll help them stand back on their feet.

Instead we kick people when they’re down.

Then pray to god like “why me?”

So you see, it all could be so simple.

Let go of the arrogance and be kind to other people.

-Dear Perception

Slow Demise 💥

anxiety, mental health, thoughts

Sometimes, poetry won’t cut it when you feel like your brain is maxing out.

I’m on the verge of having an anxiety attack.

I recognize the precursors by now.

There’s a tightness in my stomach, my back is aching, my head hurts, I can’t sleep.

Now I’m like a ticking time bomb to nobody but myself.

Waiting for the hyperventilation to start.

Waiting for the tears to fall and not stop.

Waiting for the never ending thoughts to amplify in my head, every negative thing at one time. All of the pain, the struggle, the future, the past, the happiness, all of it merges together and explodes.

In those moments, there’s no control of my emotions.

I don’t like when things are out of control.

I am a problem solver. I find solutions. I don’t make excuses.

In these states of panic, I’m none of those things.

I’m just drained.

I’m tired.

I don’t want to do a damn thing anymore until this stupid attack happens and I can move forward.

However, I have to do the things. Right?

Who else is going to do it?

So my battle begins internally once more.

How much longer until anxiety wins?

-Dear Perception

Anxiety Nights

anxiety, depression, mental health, Poetry, thoughts

Tonight’s one of those nights,

Where things creep into my mind.

Staring blankly at the black screen under my closed eyes.

The vibe just isn’t right.

My heart keeps jolting inside.

Searching for answers I can’t find.

So I sit and take in the silence.

But…

The questions never end.

It’s all starting to blend.

Why that and why this.

I’m so tired of this shit.

I don’t even know how to react sometimes.

I think about giving this life back sometimes.

I truly wish, that I wouldn’t slack sometimes.

Anxiety, is fucking wack sometimes.

You gotta be, a lot stronger than your mind.

Intelligence is built from a real small line.

Open up, to other perspectives.

Stop arguing, shut up, and listen!

-Dear Perception

No Escape

anxiety, depression, mental health, Poetry, thoughts
Photo cred: Mat Reding

They say that we all live to die.

My question is why?

Why do we build up this life?

When in the end we say bye?

Does our life serve a purpose?

Have we created fictional versions

Of what life is supposed to be

Making it a harder excursion.

We give and we take

Some take more than others

Some give more away

Some do things for cover.

Make themselves feel better.

Smile on their face, camera rolling.

The video will break records.

Social media has become so controlling.

Open your eyes.

Be a silent observer.

Take in other’s mind.

Learn to do better!

In the end we all die.

That’s not a lie. I must say.

Your grave will be no bigger than mine.

In the end, there’s no escape!

-Dear Perception