I DID THIS!

advice, Parenting, thoughts

Man I had all of these great thoughts earlier and I was ready to drop some straight knowledge today for y’all! However, I forgot it.

Therefore, my thought of the moment includes how fucking fast my savings can deplete when it takes me forever to build it up. Just like my credit. It doesn’t make any damn sense!

I could be angry about it but I’m not because that’s not the right emotion to feel for a situation like this. The emotion I feel is sad and disappointed in myself. Why? Because I spent the money and I knew what I was doing! That’s important.

It’s important to identify when it’s your fault, I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again for the people who didn’t listen the first time!

Now I can’t sit here and be mad at about it because I did it. All I can do now is find a solution to my issue so that I won’t be sad in the future. That solution is to save up again and next time try not to blow it on all on an upcoming camping trip.

I’m so pumped to escape for a weekend with my family though! Truth be told, the main reason I blew my savings was because every year I say I’m so excited to escape and then every year I get frustrated on the trip about something. Usually it has to do with the kids.

I never truly know how to relax and that’s annoying. Talk about anxiety. At a river, and there’s hills to hike, and what if they drown, or fall over the cliff, or anything literally could happen. Needless to say, camping trip sounds fun but never is fun and since I’ve identified this, I want to change it.

That’s why this year I said, let me buy everything possible that will make my life easier while I’m there. Three kids and a vacation isn’t really much of a vacation unless you got the kids set up.

Mind you, camping = no solid cell service. (Say that 3xs fast!) Without electronics, parenting is going to get real! As in, my babysitter is gone. Sounds terrible but it’s true. So true in fact, that I will still have them download movies and take chargers and power banks because if all else fails and the camping experience is just too boring, they can at least watch a movie!

I’m putting antecedent strategies into place. I’m planning ahead of time, maybe too thoroughly, but every time I wing these vacations I end up pissed off so I’m hoping I won’t regret blowing all of the monies. Who knows, maybe I will and they won’t use anything that I got however that will be a later post if that does happen.

For now, I’ll be sad but grateful that I could buy things for them in the first place. Grateful to be able to go anywhere during these times, and grateful for the things I do have versus what I do not!

Stay grateful!

-Dear Perception

Disappoint Your Children

advice, mental health, Parenting, thoughts

Sounds crazy huh?

Let’s talk about how we can save our future generation from being spoiled and entitled brats. I think that’s a touchy topic because all parents love their children so much that they defend them, as do I so we’re not knocking those parents. However, I think it’s important to recognize when our kids suck.

Like when I tell them “No” or “Not right now” and they hear, “You’re never going to get it!”

Or when I tell them “Yeah, maybe tomorrow or tomorrow we’ll see” and they hear, “Tomorrow FOR SURE!” so when tomorrow comes and I say “No”, all of a sudden I suck as a parent right?

Today, I shouted out, “Sorry for disappointing you” to my twelve year old for the first time ever. This was in response to her mumbling as she’s walking away, “You said today, but of course, it’s not today!” My entire motherhood (12 years) has been prized on not disappointing them. On being the best mom ever for them because my mother set a very bad example of how to be a good mother. So to me, it means trying to be the person I needed and I’m aware that many parents do this.

Over our quarantining time together, I feel like my children and I have really taken it to another level. I am so real with my kids, sometimes too real, but in reality that’s what they need sometimes. Why should I wait for life to teach them hard lessons when I can slowly introduce them to it and desensitize them before they are adults? Do I do this on purpose? Absolutely not! But when an opportunity arises and I analyze it, I see that I’m teaching important lessons versus “how did I let my child down today?”! See what I did there? (Side note: it is important to note that you shouldn’t let your kid down continuously, that is not the message here!)

Let me explain it.

Today, I disappointed my child, and I knew it was going to be hard for me to do it but I was like, you know what, fuck it. Why? Because life isn’t fair and sometimes they are going to be disappointed. If it’s you disappointing them, at least they will understand it a little more. Especially because you can explain why it’s happening whereas that stranger won’t explain a damn thing.

That’s another important note. Make sure you talk with your children and explain your actions. Yeah, sometimes I’m not the best mom and I make plenty of mistakes! On the days where I feel overwhelmed I tell my kids the truth! “Leave me alone, I need five minutes, ya’ll are TOO much for me right now go take a break!” and I’ll even tell them, “I feel very frustrated right now and I don’t want to yell at you for no reason!” That’s real life! Those are emotions that they need to process and understand that it is totally normal to feel that way. It also took me years to get to this point! I had to slowly become more firm and honest. For their sake and mine!

Again, this is my style and I’m trying really hard to not raise sucky adults. When they are acting like brats, I tell them that too. Being ungrateful is not okay, especially when I know their lives can be much worse because mine was. They have their needs met and more so I believe my contribution to society is raising individuals who also contribute to society. Respectful, grateful, understanding, giving, compassionate, but they must also know boundaries. So yes, they are being raised with a little hood in them because they need to learn to survive. In the end, I’m teaching my kids to survive in this world, without me. That means to notice your emotions, notice when you’re wrong, notice your own flaws so others can’t point them out and then FIX them if they need to be fixed. Understand that you are not always right and that sometimes it’s best to listen instead of talk. These are all really hard concepts to understand but we are practicing all of them slowly throughout pre-teen and teenage years before adulthood smacks them in the face.

My personal advice of the day is, don’t be afraid to disappoint your kids sometimes because if it’s not you, it’s going to be someone else and it’s going to be a harder lesson for them in the future. You’re not a bad parent for not following through 100% of the time. Just try to do your best to teach them accountability but also teach them that some days it’s okay to not follow through because mental health is also important. It’s more important to notice when you need a break and today, I needed a break.

Anyway, today’s disappointment was, you ready for it?

I didn’t want to make homemade noodles with my oldest kid. Supposedly, (maybe I did), I told her that we would. We’ve made things from freaking TIKTOK for the last two nights. I’m done with the TIKTOK stuff, also I’m tired and that sounded like a lot of work. So no, we’re not making noodles today. Yes, she will get over it, but I will also explain to her why so she understands. I also gave her the option to figure it out herself if she wanted to make them and that apparently was too much for her to do.

Parenting isn’t easy, remember to know when you need a break. I needed a break today but that’s okay, we can make noodles tomorrow (or maybe we won’t), I’ll see how I feel at that time. Today, we ate buffalo chicken wraps and she helped with that because guess what, she got over the no noodles thing, imagine that! #Parentsunite

-Dear Perception

I’m Not a Shitty Mom!

anxiety, Parenting, thoughts

The guilt is starting to sink in. It’s been quarantine time. I’ve been lucky enough to be able to work from home and identify a new schedule that works for my family and myself. I’ve been trying to balance this weird life we have right now the best I can. It’s been good, I’ve actually felt mentally okay. For the most part. However today, nope. It’s like the little angry guy from the movie Inside Out kicked the rest of the emotions out and completely took over.

I’ve started going back to the office physically, and the break away from my kids I thought would help. In reality, it’s better if I’m home. At least then, they aren’t all thirsty and craving my attention.

Can we talk about that for a minute?

Why do they need so much attention? I don’t remember being like this as a child! I stayed away from the adults so they couldn’t tell me what to do, I never wanted to be in their conversations. I had a ton of things to say, but never for attention, just to say it. All three of my little attention sucking minions need it though! I realize I will miss it when they are older and gone and it’s not quiet. When I’m bored and wish someone would need me to do something. However, there are definitely times, like today, where I could use that peace NOW!

Let me paint the picture.

Three girls. (That’s probably enough information) but three girls, all have different stories, at the same damn time, and then fighting because nobody is getting to talk. While I’m waiting in a motherfuking churches chicken drive thru, for 30 minutes because their damn drive thru speaker is broken. What is that? How is this even a drive thru, when I can’t even drive thru it because my ass is parked, waiting, to even order, because the damn speaker is broken! Therefore everyone is ordering AT THE WINDOW! Yes, I already pulled a “Karen” and I said they needed a damn super Karen to talk to upper management because how are they not fixing the damn speaker! I haven’t eaten all day, I’ve been gone all day and all I want to do is go home. But please little children, proceed to drain the rest of my energy and talk away, all of you….

In the moment, I went from impatient to furious to thinking the moment was hilarious because why am I even mad right now? Even though I was questioning myself, I was still mad. My kids knew I was angry too so in the back they are just throwing little fuel drops to my fire like, “Mom, how long have we been here?” “You’re really going to tell them about the speaker? Why is the speaker broken?” “This is dumb, this is taking forever!” Meanwhile I’m just getting amped up, ready to talk to this person at the window. Long story short, it was kid, he didn’t know why the speaker was broken, I got my food and complained online like a basic bitch! 🤷‍♀️

The point is, I was angry earlier and I felt like a shitty mom because all I really wanted was a break and the 30 minute car ride to get them wasn’t a break for me. Then it was non-stop when I picked them up and I really, really hate waiting so the drive thru situation was a trigger. In reality, I had to wait at Whataburger first because my oldest wanted that and yeah I should’ve said no but I didn’t so what got to me at the end of it all was I did it to myself!!!

Recognize when you’re mad at your own decisions. It’s comical sometimes like wow, I put myself in this shit. So by the end of the night, we played games and calmed down and I got a sticker for “putting us to bed” my four year old said.

So guess what, I’m not a shitty mom and yeah I felt guilty earlier but now, my kids show me unconditional love like I show them, so I’m alright!

Parents, get through the guilty times and reflect on how to make it better next time. Next time, my ass is going straight home! The End!

-Dear Perception

Don’t Be That Parent 🤷‍♀️

Parenting

Let’s face the reality of parenting today. Let’s talk about how children these days are being raised… it’s a tricky and touchy subject.

This statement alone is true for some. There are parents who are dealing with children with developmental delays, parents who may have adopted children with behavioral issues, parents who try and no matter what, it’s not working, the point is, sometimes it’s not the parent’s fault. On the other hand, my observations have led me believe that some parents have forgotten about teaching children respectful values and manners. Most of us as parents are just trying to give our kids a better life than what we had.

It took me a minute to figure out that just because I grew up differently, with less things than most, it didn’t mean I needed to give my kids everything. My kids live an amazing life but they hear the word no often. They have to earn the things that they want and they damn sure are learning to have respect. Don’t talk back, say yes/no sir/mam, lose the attitude, focus on what they start, speak their minds with respect, and analyze the world around them.

I’m raising future adults. In order to do that, they must have say in life but learn professionalism as well. They must learn compassion and respect. They must learn to be optimistic but realistic at the same time, knowing that life really fucking suck sometimes, but being strong enough to make it better.

At the end of the day, it isn’t about all the shit our kids have, it’s about them being raised with morals and values and to be successful, independent adults. Sometimes our kids will hate us but they’ll get over it. Stand your ground and watch their emotions. Explain your actions to your children and be realistic about life. Don’t get mad at little things that you know won’t matter if they were older. Parenting is hard as fuck but it doesn’t have to be complicated. Figure out what works best for your household and don’t be scared to ask others for advice. No parent ever knew what they were doing, there are failed experiences that we learn from and we can learn from others as well! Keep it up parents everywhere! Your child is watching you! #parentsunite

-Dear Perception

I’m NOT here to FIX you!

Autism, Parenting

I live my life based on a few solid principles. This is one of them that can apply to my personal life as well as my career.

It sounds really rude however it’s not exactly what it reads to be.

What I mean is, I’m here to HELP you, not fix you. It’s not my job to fix you.

I recently talked with a co-worker about this and it was such a huge revelation for me to quote it in this manner. When people think of ABA therapy, they see it as 1). Potentially harmful (some people) 2). The go to treatment” to fix/cure/treat, children with autism. 3). What’s ABA therapy?


However, the reality is, we aren’t fixing anything and we definitely cannot cure autism or other disabilities.

In the field of Behavior Analysis, we are not here to fix your child or you or fix anything! ABA therapy is anything but a quick fix that is for sure. It is better described as a team effort that heavily includes the caregivers as a part of that team, and the main person, the person who is going through the treatment.

Therefore, when designing the programs to intervene in someone’s life, it is important to first identify their perspective on life. Something that may seem normal and easy to us may appear differently and difficult for someone else.

Take the time to step out of your world and get into theirs! It’s time to look at autism, disabilities, behavioral issues in a different light. It’s time to start looking at it from their perspective and realize life is different and that’s okay! Remember the principles of behavior and stay true to those as well but keep in mind what it’s like to be a human being. You can identify a function but the treatment put into place has to remember the barriers to treatment outside of 1:1 therapy (can caregivers replicate this?) and where the patient is developmentally as well as potential triggers in the environment

So take a day. It doesn’t even have to be a day, it can be an hour, thirty minutes, any time you can gather, and schedule time to relax and make life fun for your loved one! Not only are you working on establishing yourself as a POSITIVE person, you are establishing control with them so that they don’t feel that life always has to be hard, because for them, our “typical” life, is a little bit harder for them. Spend some time to give them a day off from trying to fit in and let them be themselves!

-Dear Perception