Stop Being “TOO” Busy

Uncategorized

After working with various families during this COVID time, one of the biggest things I have taught via telehealth is how to PAIR! I cannot stress this enough, as a parent and as a professional, pairing is one of the biggest things that we can do with our children to ensure that they feel safe and secure, building that rapport and trust with them. Pairing can also help you observe behaviors in the natural environment vs. a contrived situation.

Pairing is essentially establishing a connection with someone or something. This can be done both in a positive and negative manner.

Pairing in a POSITIVE MANNER is what we shoot for in ABA. However, caregivers being the main people who place the most demands on their loved ones can often times pair in a NEGATIVE WAY.

Let’s talk about that.

Negative pairing can make yourself become aversive to someone else. Items and activities can also become negatively paired with aversive situations. For example, every time a blow dryer goes off in the restroom, the sound is really loud. The really loud sound is displeasing to you so you don’t press that button because the action of pressing that button has become paired with the action of the blow dryer turning on.

On the flip side, you can pair yourself, items, or activities in a POSITIVE manner as well.

For example, every time I take my kid’s to my brother’s house, they have a ton of fun. They get to play on a trampoline and go swimming, they get to stay up and do whatever they want because it’s vacay. Therefore, when we are going to my brother’s house, they are excited and they really want to go because they have “paired” my brother’s house with a good time!

You can do this for yourself as well, allowing yourself to become more fun and pleasant to be around for your loved one, because sometimes being a parent isn’t rainbows and unicorns. Take some time with your loved one and just hang out! Take a break from the demands and the teaching, the therapies, the rush of life just trying to “Fix” them and getting them “better” to survive in this messed up world, and let’s take a moment to get into theirs.

Put down your phone, leave the house a mess, and go outside and play. Genuinely pretend you are small again or younger and remember what it felt like without the adult responsibilities crashing around you. Got older kids, check my TikTok below, sometimes we have to really get on their level! This makes the day better for everyone sometimes, just a mini escape from reality! Who said you have to run away to actually get away? Sometimes we just gotta stop being TOO BUSY and start being PRESENT!

Follow us on TikTok @mini.squad.3

Dear Perception

🚨New Vlog Alert!!🚨

Uncategorized

So I’ve decided to try something out and create a vlog that correlates with my blog! So basic right? Anyway, subscribe, share, and do all the things you-tubers usually tell you to do. I have no idea what I’m doing but I am going to try it out and see what happens! Thanks for reading and following me on here and really making me feel like I’m doing something! I appreciate you all and I hope all of you have an amazing day today and everyday!

Step into my world!

How To (Not) Save A Life

Uncategorized

There is a sentiment that gets resurrected every Memorial Day: “If you need anything, if you ever feel like you can’t go on anymore, please don’t …

How To (Not) Save A Life

Self-fkn care at it’s finest! Applauds to this person for learning their limits! Being a crutch for someone is exhausting but that is also something we take on when we offer those sentiments.

It takes a lot for a person to stop being that crutch for others. It takes a lot to say “I’m done!” Because being an “empath” isn’t easy.

I recently identified as an empath and it sucks. I love doing it but at the same time sometimes I gotta ignore that call. However, I’m also that friend who won’t truly ignore you but I will let you know that I am drained and if you need help, send a text. Texting is somehow less draining than talking on the phone!

Anyway, whether you want to help others or be done, there’s no judgment here but know your limits. You can become responsible for someone’s life with the statement, “let me know if you need anything” because some people really will need you. Will you be there?

-Dear Perception

#JusticeforGuillen

Uncategorized

The details are horrifying. Someone who went to serve her country was not only murdered but bludgeoned to death and cut up, then disposed with hopes to never be found. That’s just the story they are getting from one person involved because the other suspect killed himself. Who knows what really happened.

There’s too many unanswered questions right now with this case but one thing for sure is this shouldn’t be taken lightly and ignored. Let’s leave the race out of it for now regarding the army culture and let’s focus on the bigger picture. The fact that not only was this young soldier missing for months before being found murdered, but countless other women soldiers have come out with their own stories. Stories similar to Vanessa Guillen’s and unless people act now, Vanessa’s story will not be the last!

We have to realize this country has so many fires to put out from racism, police brutality, rape culture, the justice system, and more. So where do we even start? It doesn’t matter but pick a starting point and do your part to stand up for something! The least we can do is try! #justiceforguillen #justiceforfloyd and countless others. #whereisthechange

Dear Perception

On Hurling Myself Into Traffic to Get out of ABA Therapy

Uncategorized

An autistic teenager is forced into court-ordered ABA. Each week, his anxiety builds until he elopes from the scene and runs into traffic to escape …

On Hurling Myself Into Traffic to Get out of ABA Therapy

This is so important. As someone who delivers ABA therapy, it’s important to recognize what others who go through ABA have to say about it.

My heart breaks for this young person who felt so compelled to hurt themselves versus facing ABA and for being scared to talk about it to his therapists.

I’m sorry this happened to you. I hope others do not have to go through this and if they do, they should tell their stories, because we really don’t know. We can only see what we see but it’s our job to know that you are your own person too and we need to meet you at your level!

I’m glad you found your voice!

-Dear Perception

Racism

Uncategorized

Definition: (thanks google)

noun

  1. prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism directed against a person or people on the basis of their membership of a particular racial or ethnic group, typically one that is a minority or marginalized.”a program to combat racism”

Let’s be real, that’s what we are here for.

Slavery started in 1619, when African Americans were forced to come to America (also a country that Columbus FORCED others out of so he could colonize it). We got that down, Europeans forced others that weren’t like them to come and work for them for free in negligent conditions, after forcing the Native Americans out of their own land as well.

Slavery supposedly ended in 1865. After 246 years. We’re talking hundreds of years of people learning and accepting that people of darker skin color were different and meant to be treated different. That’s hundreds of years of people thinking that it was okay to treat other people this way. I’m not sure how long it takes you to learn a habit and then break it but I’m pretty sure after 246 years, changing someone’s mind was going to be pretty hard. So after 246 years of abuse, the people who were minding their own damn business on their own continent in the first place are freed.

Then the racist people were like, alright we can’t fucking force y’all to work for us or beat y’all anymore, but we also don’t have to make life easy for you. Thus the button on segregation was activated.

Segregate anyone who is different based on skin color. Wtf even is that? Like ooo these people are a different color… let’s make life hard for them. Okay so segregation begins and life continues to be harder for people who had darker skin color, but to the lighter skinned people, they were like, “Be happy we aren’t beating you anymore, but only because it’s illegal now, or else we would!” Lighter skin people continue to be raised with hatred in their hearts and all the light colored people flourish while the darker skin people struggle.

Segregation “ended” in 1964!! After another 99 fucking years, someone finally said it was wrong that people were being treated this way. That maybe all people should have an opportunity to do something with their lives, but really, people were still going to make it hard. Why? Because these minorities just spent 345 years having to learn survival skills. They had to learn how to adapt to a racist society. Because for 345 years people learned it was okay that treating people of different skin colors was acceptable. Because for 345 years, people of color learned skills to survive in a country where they would never be accepted, but it was all they knew, so they had to stay. In order to stay, they had to learn how to steal, hunt, educate themselves on limited resources, to survive in a world that was only meant for the people that had an opportunity. That’s just the surface of the problem.

In turn, people of color taught their children their skills. Taught them how to survive in a unfair world. Some people break through barriers because of it and some continue to struggle because not everyone is meant for survival. Some people are better at it than others. So some people weren’t taught the same skills and thus some people struggle to survive and that is what is being passed on to their generations. So behavior is very learned but it can be changed.

We only teach what we know and accept and that is an opinion. We teach our opinions to our offspring and they can in turn develop their own opinions, but if we’ve nurtured them enough in our own ways, chances are high that they will think in a similar manner. So how do we change the learned behavior of racism? Is this a problem that will eventually wean itself out after another 345 years because enough people are teaching their offspring that racism is wrong? Will there ever be a point where all of the people who grew up learning hatred will be gone? Is this something we can truly combat?

I just wanted to put into perspective how many years of teaching and learning racist people have, and that those people who were alive and being taught that segregation was okay, that had grandparents and great grandparents raising them and teaching them about slavery times. Teaching them that people with different skin color are different. They have raised young children as well, they have raised them to have those same thought processes.

So we can start with reforming the police department but that won’t fix anything. We need to start re-teaching America. Let these horrid acts be in the history but also let the other perspectives be in history. We learn about the Holocaust in school and think how horrific that sounds because they teach it as being such a bad event! The history I learned in school was wrong and it definitely didn’t teach how not to hate, but only taught me that racism existed and it was up to me to figure out if it is wrong. It’s also up to the parents to teach their children that when they come home from school and tell you about a book that literally tells the story of a boy who was bullied because of his skin color, to tell them that is wrong. To tell them you don’t like that book because it’s literally teaching you how to hate. To tell them to argue with their teachers about Columbus Day. Yes, my kid will say, every single year, my mom says Columbus Day shouldn’t exist because he’s a mass murderer.

However our older generations didn’t have that. They learned and learned, time and time again, that they were better than people who had different skin color. They were given a head start at life with opportunity open to them no matter what! Now it is up to these older people who existed back then to continue to fight against it if they did so in the past, teaching their kids that it’s wrong, raising people the right way, or be stuck in their ways that this is how America is and there’s nothing wrong with your perspective.

People today argue slavery ended. People today argue that racism and segregation are loonnngg gone. People today say that black people and other minorities are “overreacting”. People today can shut the fuck up!

At the end of the day, remember, someone could decide that you’re too light for society so you shouldn’t be treated as a human being! Since we get to make rules up and shit. This is America!

-Dear Perception

Don’t Get Caught

Uncategorized

I briefly mentioned this in my book, but my dad always gave me this advice. My dad, he’s a trip. I know him, but I don’t. I know certain things about him, but there’s no bond really that I feel. It’s cool I have a dad, I try to keep up with him and offer to help him when needed. He likes to act likes he’s fine. He does drugs too, is an alcoholic. He’s like the most functioning addict I think I know. He works hard still, labor and maintenance work mainly. He is a survivor, but a lonely survivor. It’s kind of sad, but he’s lived that way for so long he’s so used to it. Scared to let anybody get really close. A true black sheep.

My dad always used to pride himself on the illegal shit that he used to do and at the end he used to follow up with, “But I didn’t get caught!”. Anytime I would tell him something, that was probably a wrong decision, he would be like, “But did you get caught!”.

My dad taught me plenty of things, in the same manner that my mom did. I learned through his mistakes. I also learned to keep the house clean, stay busy always. He doesn’t rest. Doesn’t know how. That is definitely passed down to me.

If I would say his parenting advice never helped me I would be a huge liar. The truth is, I’ve done my fair share of bad things in life. I’ve learned and regretted some of them. All in all, I took away the fact that I tried really hard to not get caught. Strategizing is a big skill of mine these days.

In all my life, I think I have gotten caught twice. Once when I was 6 or 7, hanging out with my 15 year old sister, the police were called on us because we “stole” candy and stuff but in reality the food stamp card got denied and we didn’t know that was going to happen. We would all just take turns on each of our parent’s food stamps card and take care of the neighborhood kids. We were a little pack that ran the streets. It wasn’t my sister’s turn that time, we trusted the people we were with, but we walked out of the store with our snacks while they stayed behind to pay and before I knew it, I was hiding under a table in the corner store waiting for the cops to get there. I was terrified. The lady copy told me to get out from under the table and sat down next to me while they dug through the dumpster to recover some candy. The guy we were with told him he threw it in there, but he really ate it. He was detained that day, I watched him laugh as they put him in the back of the cop car. He was the oldest, so naturally they had to take someone in for “stealing”. They let my sister walk me home.

The second time, I stole from a friend in middle school. Took money from her purse while she went to the RR, too many people saw, I thought I was being cool. Someone snitched, I paid the girl back and admitted my faults. I did feel embarrassed about that one. That was supposed to be my friend and I let her down.

The point is, “Don’t get caught” taught me to think smart. Think ahead. If I wanted to “sneak out” how could I do that being smart. This also led me to just not lie about it. If I don’t lie, I won’t get caught because there is nothing to catch.

So now, I’m a super honest person, blunt as can be, and I don’t have to worry about being caught because I’m not doing anything wrong and there’s nothing to lie about. People deserve honesty and that is what I will always give off, whether or not the truth hurts, I think you deserve the truth!

-Dear Perception

Cry if you need to cry!

Uncategorized

My mother, Rest In Peace, wasn’t really around much when I was younger. She was there, but she was in her own twisted world. She suffered from a ton of issues that went undiagnosed. Drug addiction was one of the hardest battles she fought until cancer showed up. Ultimately, I loved my mom but it wasn’t a tight bond. I didn’t learn much from her other than what not to do. Don’t do drugs in front of my kids. Don’t do drugs maybe? Don’t sleep with multiple men and drag the kids along with you to live in different shitty places. Get my shit together and provide a better life for my children. However, when I think of my mom, I also recognize now that she wasn’t okay. She struggled and most of the time, she tried to stay strong for us. However, her strongest was barely keeping us alive.

As I’ve gotten older, I struggle with my own demons, as I truly feel we all do. Panic attacks have began and I never really reached that stage before. Recently, a memory trickled back into my mind. There was a time when I lived with my grandmother. My mom wasn’t around, she showed up randomly, sometimes beat up by her latest boyfriend, she’d show us some love, maybe bring us something and disappear again for a few months. She would call sometimes too.

It was during a phone conversation with her when I was in the kindergarten maybe first grade, I remember her getting on to me about my behavior with my grandma. I started having tantrums really bad, kicking walls, slamming doors, crying and being angry at life I guess. The rules my grandmother had were so strict compared to my mom who let us do whatever we wanted. So I struggled adapting. I told her sometimes I just need to cry and I don’t know why. She told me those exact words, “Cry if you need to cry!”. I talked a lot about the negative shit my mom put us through. Those five words, in my entire life, were what has helped me the most from her. I understand them to the fullest now.

Sometimes, I literally feel like my brain is too full. Like I can go for months and then it’s like a switch turns on the overload/panic button and I need to cry. I fight it, because I hate crying, I feel weak and vulnerable when I cry. In reality, it’s all I need to do. I just need to cry sometimes, get through that, and I feel so much better. I found an article about it, because I got curious as to why I religiously feel better after I cry. Apparently, it’s a real thing that can help you according to PsychologyToday!

Therefore,

Cry if you need to cry!

-Dear Perception