Moms and Depression

advice, anxiety, depression, mental health, Parenting, thoughts, trigger warning

Mom Kills 5 Children and Herself, Notes left behind scream Mental Health Issues

I’ll summarize the article above as it fucking sucks to read.

A 25 year old mom of 5 kids, 3 biologically hers and 2 step children.

She killed all of the kids, set the house on fire, before shooting herself in the head outside at the picnic table.

She left notes explaining her mental health state and how she lost the battle.

Something I don’t understand: why the children?

This topic is a controversial one as many people won’t understand how it got to be this bad.

The husband ignored the signs. He probably thought she was crying out for attention. He called off a welfare check because he thought she was okay despite her constant texts that she was not.

The next day, all of his kids would be gone.

My heart hurts for the ones left behind, for those children who endured this evil act, and for the mom.

Moms, we deal with a lot of shit sometimes.

We’re out in this world trying to play the roles of multiple people and then people question us when we lose our shit.

We’re almost expected to run households while also trying to keep up with the demands of the world.

This mom killed herself and her family because she lost the support she had for 10 days! Her husband went to stay at his fathers to be closer to work and she was supposed to hold the fort down.

Only she couldn’t. Because she was 25 years old trying to raise five young children.

I’m 30 trying to raise 3 children and let me tell you, it’s not easy.

I watched my mom try to kill herself multiple times because the pressure became too much.

I’m not saying what she did was right, I’m just saying it’s time for people to stop expecting mom’s to uphold this superhero role. It’s unrealistic and a lot of mothers are struggling.

Families are broken these days. Moms are often left to figure it out. More moms than dads but for the dads who feel like this too, I’m not discrediting you at all!

Parents in general, if you feel alone, reach out to someone. Save your babies before you hurt them. It’s not cool to put the kids through things because you can’t mentally handle it and it’s OK to say that you can’t do it!

Our minds are crazy and can really cause us to do things that we regret. In this ladies case, had she had someone just check in on her, maybe the kids would still be here and maybe she would be too!

Check on your friends and parents, hang in there. We are all just surviving the best we can!

-Dear Perception

Wandering Mind 🧠

advice, Poetry, thoughts

Learn about me.

Learn with me.

Learn.

Either way, do it with a fire that burns.

Burn it into your brain.

The knowledge is yours to regain.

Asks questions along the way.

Question everything you hear, see, and say.

Question all of our society.

It’s a puzzling reality that people refuse to change.

And when you ask these questions, question yourself.

Are you contributing or are you detrimental?

Do you truly care or just crave attention?

Is what you’re doing really worth a mention?

Have you thought beyond your current situation?

Who’s really looking out for you and me, besides ourselves?

Everyone has some kind of sad story to tell.

I’m not belittling your tale.

I’m just saying we either win or we fail.

We either work or cry and complain.

Or there’s room to do both, just don’t lose your aim.

What do you want from life?

Be honest, it’s time.

Is your current life aligned with your future goals?

Are you living in the present moment while you go?

There’s always so many things to consider and think about.

Really, how do you feel, because that should count!

Listen to your emotions.

They usually talk pretty loud!

-Dear Perception

Meet Those Deadlines ✍️

advice, Parenting

Today, I scheduled a meeting with my kid.

I planned it ahead of time.

I told her 4pm, we can do something together.

And you know what happened?

At 4pm, maybe a few minutes late in true fashion, I played a game with her.

You know what’s super fucking sad?

I scheduled a meeting with my kid!

I treated her like a job, and oh snap I paid even more attention to her.

I had a picnic this evening as well on a blanket, in the kitchen.

All three girls and myself, just hanging out having a random ass picnic put together by my four year old.

Today, I also played babies with my 4 year old, unscheduled.

Why?

Because I realized if I treated my children the way I treat my job, I would pay more attention.

I would stop postponing these memories.

Before I know it, they are lost in their own “teenage” world when in reality, did we push them there?

Our jobs are important, and these children are our jobs!

Our lifelong job.

We are replaceable at work.

We are not replaceable in our children’s hearts.

As my children sleep, I advise you all to disconnect, and meet those deadlines.

Your child’s future depends on it!

-Dear Perception

Persistence

mental health, Poetry, thoughts

Sometimes my mind’s not right.

So I sit and I write.

With endless thoughts coming out.

Silently but it shouts.

Screaming for change.

Thirsting for anything.

Different.

Seeking but not finding.

Potential is really blinding.

My heart just isn’t in it.

Shut down and abort the mission.

Till the next time.

Should there be a common one to find.

I breathe without thinking.

Same way I operate on a daily living.

Numb.

What have I become?

I’m usually not the one.

To turn down fun.

But now I run.

Shelter in place.

Get out of my face.

I don’t have time to deal with your shit today.

I’m not in the mood.

Yours is killing mine too.

Let’s separate to keep the peace.

Why can’t this be easy?

Strength.

Encouraging it seems to be.

To be the strongest version of me.

Diversions they seem.

To divert the truths.

What’s the use?

When there’s always an excuse?

Persistence.

The drive to avoid the distance.

The time that it takes to conquer and divide.

Is too long so we see some resistance.

Giving up ain’t in my blood.

I’ll bleed out until I’m done.

The reality is that there’s still more.

More to explore.

More to endure.

This can’t be the best version of me.

I continue along the self-realization journey.

I encourage you all to join me.

-Dear Perception

Be the Person You Need

advice, Poetry, thoughts

It’s easy to get wrapped up emotions.

It really gets you going.

Rage is exploding.

It’s difficult to settle your mind.

Tell it to chill out one more time.

Understand positive and negative vibes.

Protect your energy.

Be who you need someone to be.

Remind yourself daily.

Be kind, be at peace.

Someone needs help, pick them up.

Who cares if that homeless person needs a buck.

You have a car, food, a home.

Lend him one or five, remember your morals.

Remember that you need someone.

Remember sometimes we ain’t tough.

We suffer in silence and figure shit out.

Why don’t you be there for someone else?

Be the someone you need.

The someone that lends an ear till it’s bleeds.

The someone who’s not selfish but humble.

Understand we’re all surviving in this jungle.

Be selfless, expect nothing in return.

Sometimes be giving, teach a lesson to be learned.

Earth is not our final resting place and it’s never been.

So make your mark while you’re here and you can!

-Dear Perception

Be Grateful Today

advice, Poetry, thoughts
https://www.angelagayehorn.com/gratitude-happiness/

Be grateful today.

So many people are withering away.

Be grateful today.

You got the chance for a fresh slate.

Be grateful today.

Make sure you say what you have to say.

Be grateful today.

Think about what you have on your plate.

Be grateful today.

There’s no promise for a new day to create.

Be grateful today

You have your energy, protect it, be brave.

Be grateful today.

Put your happiness on full display.

Be grateful today.

Think about all of the good things.

Be grateful today.

Don’t let your intentions intentionally be mean.

Be grateful today.

Let’s try to be a little more understanding.

Be grateful today.

I know you’re reading but are you listening?

Just be grateful today!

-Dear Perception

Everything is Always Fine ❤️

advice, anxiety, depression, mental health, Poetry, thoughts

It’s creeping up, I’m trying to run.

Will I escape, I’m tired of these games.

I don’t know my fate, my mind goes insane.

The wires are crossed and I’m feeling rage.

It’s mixed with fear, it’s mixed with grief.

It’s mixed with the trauma that’s buried deep.

I preach and I preach.

But do I practice what I mean.

Can I do all of these things?

Can I do these things myself?

Can I listen to my own help?

Probably not.

But if I don’t try to help others.

Do I ignore them instead?

I’m good at this!

I try to help others think about things like me.

I try to help them identify their problems you see?

I can offer up solutions that come out quite easy.

Then I can go home and act blind and turn my cheek.

Just stay busy.

Stick to the plan.

Time and time again.

But I’m getting kinda tired

If I can be a little honest.

I’m not sure I want to do this.

-Shut up depression.

Let me get back to it.

All I need is some music.

A little time outside.

A little time to clear my thoughts.

Everything is always fine. ❤️

-Dear Perception

Positive Vibes Your Way 😌😌

advice, anxiety, depression, mental health, thoughts

I’ve taken a break from writing, although I’m trying to make a comeback.

Can we talk about how fucking crazy life has been for a second?

I’m not sure what everyone else is up to, but I’m busy AF!

Work, kids, home life, and to be quite honest, reading has been consuming my writing time.

I’m super deep in a book and once I finish it, I’ll review it for you all.

As for now, here’s a check in.

Mentally, I feel the stress and the chaos, anxiety and depression trying to win, however it won’t.

At least not yet anyway.

There’s a ton of positive and negative things in my life but I think we all have positive and negative situations and it really just depends on how you view the situation and if you are going to dwell on the negative situations, find solutions for them, or completely ignore them.

Whatever you choose to do, I hope it’s the choice that makes you happy and feeling more positive.

Take out the sage.

Light some candles.

Go to church and pray.

Read that book you keep putting off.

Whatever it is that makes you feel peaceful, do it.

Be happy but realistically happy. Don’t be the sprinkles that overdo the fucking cake happy.

Just be the amount of sprinkles that makes you and others around you happy to be in your company!

Happy writing and happy reading or happy doing whatever the hell makes you happy!

-Dear Perception

*CW: Nature vs. Nurture

advice, mental health, Parenting, thoughts, trigger warning

This argument, in all the years I’ve had to pick a side for an argumentative essay, I’ve never chosen a side.

Okay, before we start on today’s rant, let’s keep in mind this isn’t the typical debate. We’ve all had to learn about nature vs. nurture, and if you haven’t basically it’s about a person and the way they turn out as an adult, is it a product of nature (natural events such as genetics) or nurture (the way they were raised). There’s also something now called epigenetics which says that nurture can affect the genes. 🤯 Read More Here.

There’s definitely not a definitive answer to this question though.

The answer is both or all of it. 🤷‍♀️

People can develop their own ideas and constructs from anything. Look around at the world. All of the controversy is typically because of differing opinions, or misinterpretation, or a different perspective. Therefore, nature vs. nurture wise, you can become who you are based on both, depending on how you choose to interpret it.

Let me lay it out.

I’m a product of both.

My parents were drug addicts, in and out of jail, rehabs, multiple different people in their lives, domestic violence, check!

My mom suffered from schizo affect disorder and bipolar disorder. Risk factor for me, pretty high.

I moved over 15 times in the span of 13 years…. no military affiliation. I saw cocaine and needles at the age of 3. I saw physical fighting, hammers being thrown, hair being pulled, my mom smacking my dad upside the head with a frying pan, stepdad choking my mom out while she beat him upside the head with a cordless phone charger. I’ve seen some things, but I recognize it’s not as bad as some people still.

I’ve seen my mom purchase a gun with a silencer because she was tired of the neighbors partying. And I’m not saying she killed anybody, I’m just saying I never heard those neighbors party again, because they moved shortly after.

I’ve seen the cop car lights in the middle of the night, I’ve been unsure or where I was going to live. I’ve woken up with no electricity, literally gotten dressed in the dark. I’ve gone without eating and I’ve gone without basic things you would think all children have growing up, trust me. Again, I want to recognize that some children still have it worse. Let’s not forget #saveourchildren.

It’s easy to fall into the statistics with this background. Not to say I didn’t, because I most definitely did in some aspects.

I started partying at age 12. Drinking, smoking, acting wild. I did that. I smoked my first cigarette when I was 6. Wtf was I even doing? I stole from stores and hid drugs for people at the age of 7. I skipped school, I hung out with the gangbangers, I started a “gang”, high school shit, I’ve carved into my skin, the whole cutting phase was a thing, and I never backed down from anything or anyone, ready to fight at all times.

My dad kicked me out at age 16. I got pregnant at the age of 17. So yeah, to say I didn’t alter my life negatively in some ways, I won’t lie about. My first born was my savior though. She really doesn’t even understand.

I went through a rebellious kid phase that lasted from age 6-17/18 I guess. It was a crazy journey but I adapted to my surroundings as best as I could. That’s not me anymore, to an extent.

I graduated high school with a 3.95 GPA. I never failed a class. Only got suspended once, surprisingly. I graduated earlier than the rest of my class. I started college immediately after and went on to earn my Masters degree at the age of 26. Today I’m a behavior analyst managing a fucking clinic! I have a house, three kids now, and I’m hustling everyday to never go back to where I came from.

On the flip side, I’ll never forget where I came from. Would I say I made it? Absolutely but I still have more goals to accomplish.

One thing is for sure, my kids will never have to struggle but they will know about the struggle.

So nurture wise, it played its part, but nature wise, instinctively I was stronger. I mean, I have my weaknesses mentally, I’m not okay all of the time. Nurture wise, that did mess me up a little, but nature wise, I’m still stronger. I will still fight to ensure a better life for myself and my children.

So to the great debate, I say don’t let that determine who you become. Let it all play a part, but in the end make your own decisions! You do have control over your choices now, if you let some of that baggage that’s holding you down go. Don’t let the past define everything about you. It will affect you, it will be hard to overcome triggers, it will be difficult. That’s not sugar coated. It’s up to you to fight and not give up, even when it feels like life is crushing you, you can turn it around. Think outside of the box. Think survival. Because if there’s anything that is natural human instincts, survival is one of them!

You got this!

-Dear Perception