Mind Your Business

Parenting, thoughts

This past weekend while hanging out at a lake, my kids were outside hanging out with the adults.

We were all just casually conversing and my kids kept chiming in. Typical kid behavior.

However, they would contribute nothing to the conversation and get upset when I told them to leave.

I kept thinking back to when I was younger, not that I grew up with stable parents who had guests over often, but I could not remember ever adding to adult conversations in any way.

I minded my own business. Did I eavesdrop? Oh absolutely, but I would stay quiet so they wouldn’t tell me to go away in the few moments I was around them.

I’m not sure why my kids are not picking up on this. Every time they say something irrelevant I ask them why that even mattered? Then send them off. Example, my daughter, in the middle of the lake, in front of a ton of strangers, blurted out, “MOM, HOW MANY GUYS HAVE YOU DATED IN YOUR LIFE?” Nobody was talking about anything near dating or anything like that!

I fucking froze. Like why kid? Why now? What kind of intentions did you have behind that if any? You act so grown all the time why you asking that right now? You should know better!!!

I was baffled.

I played it off and redirected but why are kids like this?

Especially these days?

I always kick them out of our conversations, I know they want to be involved and need attention but sometimes, we need space.

Again, I’ve never remembered being so outspoken in adult conversations.

Maybe I’m not remembering correctly but let me hear about your experiences with your children or growing up as a child?

Did you mind your business or were you in the business but got dismissed? Never got dismissed? I’m so eager to know!

-Dear Perception

Disappoint Your Children

advice, mental health, Parenting, thoughts

Sounds crazy huh?

Let’s talk about how we can save our future generation from being spoiled and entitled brats. I think that’s a touchy topic because all parents love their children so much that they defend them, as do I so we’re not knocking those parents. However, I think it’s important to recognize when our kids suck.

Like when I tell them “No” or “Not right now” and they hear, “You’re never going to get it!”

Or when I tell them “Yeah, maybe tomorrow or tomorrow we’ll see” and they hear, “Tomorrow FOR SURE!” so when tomorrow comes and I say “No”, all of a sudden I suck as a parent right?

Today, I shouted out, “Sorry for disappointing you” to my twelve year old for the first time ever. This was in response to her mumbling as she’s walking away, “You said today, but of course, it’s not today!” My entire motherhood (12 years) has been prized on not disappointing them. On being the best mom ever for them because my mother set a very bad example of how to be a good mother. So to me, it means trying to be the person I needed and I’m aware that many parents do this.

Over our quarantining time together, I feel like my children and I have really taken it to another level. I am so real with my kids, sometimes too real, but in reality that’s what they need sometimes. Why should I wait for life to teach them hard lessons when I can slowly introduce them to it and desensitize them before they are adults? Do I do this on purpose? Absolutely not! But when an opportunity arises and I analyze it, I see that I’m teaching important lessons versus “how did I let my child down today?”! See what I did there? (Side note: it is important to note that you shouldn’t let your kid down continuously, that is not the message here!)

Let me explain it.

Today, I disappointed my child, and I knew it was going to be hard for me to do it but I was like, you know what, fuck it. Why? Because life isn’t fair and sometimes they are going to be disappointed. If it’s you disappointing them, at least they will understand it a little more. Especially because you can explain why it’s happening whereas that stranger won’t explain a damn thing.

That’s another important note. Make sure you talk with your children and explain your actions. Yeah, sometimes I’m not the best mom and I make plenty of mistakes! On the days where I feel overwhelmed I tell my kids the truth! “Leave me alone, I need five minutes, ya’ll are TOO much for me right now go take a break!” and I’ll even tell them, “I feel very frustrated right now and I don’t want to yell at you for no reason!” That’s real life! Those are emotions that they need to process and understand that it is totally normal to feel that way. It also took me years to get to this point! I had to slowly become more firm and honest. For their sake and mine!

Again, this is my style and I’m trying really hard to not raise sucky adults. When they are acting like brats, I tell them that too. Being ungrateful is not okay, especially when I know their lives can be much worse because mine was. They have their needs met and more so I believe my contribution to society is raising individuals who also contribute to society. Respectful, grateful, understanding, giving, compassionate, but they must also know boundaries. So yes, they are being raised with a little hood in them because they need to learn to survive. In the end, I’m teaching my kids to survive in this world, without me. That means to notice your emotions, notice when you’re wrong, notice your own flaws so others can’t point them out and then FIX them if they need to be fixed. Understand that you are not always right and that sometimes it’s best to listen instead of talk. These are all really hard concepts to understand but we are practicing all of them slowly throughout pre-teen and teenage years before adulthood smacks them in the face.

My personal advice of the day is, don’t be afraid to disappoint your kids sometimes because if it’s not you, it’s going to be someone else and it’s going to be a harder lesson for them in the future. You’re not a bad parent for not following through 100% of the time. Just try to do your best to teach them accountability but also teach them that some days it’s okay to not follow through because mental health is also important. It’s more important to notice when you need a break and today, I needed a break.

Anyway, today’s disappointment was, you ready for it?

I didn’t want to make homemade noodles with my oldest kid. Supposedly, (maybe I did), I told her that we would. We’ve made things from freaking TIKTOK for the last two nights. I’m done with the TIKTOK stuff, also I’m tired and that sounded like a lot of work. So no, we’re not making noodles today. Yes, she will get over it, but I will also explain to her why so she understands. I also gave her the option to figure it out herself if she wanted to make them and that apparently was too much for her to do.

Parenting isn’t easy, remember to know when you need a break. I needed a break today but that’s okay, we can make noodles tomorrow (or maybe we won’t), I’ll see how I feel at that time. Today, we ate buffalo chicken wraps and she helped with that because guess what, she got over the no noodles thing, imagine that! #Parentsunite

-Dear Perception

Don’t Be That Parent 🤷‍♀️

Parenting

Let’s face the reality of parenting today. Let’s talk about how children these days are being raised… it’s a tricky and touchy subject.

This statement alone is true for some. There are parents who are dealing with children with developmental delays, parents who may have adopted children with behavioral issues, parents who try and no matter what, it’s not working, the point is, sometimes it’s not the parent’s fault. On the other hand, my observations have led me believe that some parents have forgotten about teaching children respectful values and manners. Most of us as parents are just trying to give our kids a better life than what we had.

It took me a minute to figure out that just because I grew up differently, with less things than most, it didn’t mean I needed to give my kids everything. My kids live an amazing life but they hear the word no often. They have to earn the things that they want and they damn sure are learning to have respect. Don’t talk back, say yes/no sir/mam, lose the attitude, focus on what they start, speak their minds with respect, and analyze the world around them.

I’m raising future adults. In order to do that, they must have say in life but learn professionalism as well. They must learn compassion and respect. They must learn to be optimistic but realistic at the same time, knowing that life really fucking suck sometimes, but being strong enough to make it better.

At the end of the day, it isn’t about all the shit our kids have, it’s about them being raised with morals and values and to be successful, independent adults. Sometimes our kids will hate us but they’ll get over it. Stand your ground and watch their emotions. Explain your actions to your children and be realistic about life. Don’t get mad at little things that you know won’t matter if they were older. Parenting is hard as fuck but it doesn’t have to be complicated. Figure out what works best for your household and don’t be scared to ask others for advice. No parent ever knew what they were doing, there are failed experiences that we learn from and we can learn from others as well! Keep it up parents everywhere! Your child is watching you! #parentsunite

-Dear Perception