Disappoint Your Children

advice, mental health, Parenting, thoughts

Sounds crazy huh?

Let’s talk about how we can save our future generation from being spoiled and entitled brats. I think that’s a touchy topic because all parents love their children so much that they defend them, as do I so we’re not knocking those parents. However, I think it’s important to recognize when our kids suck.

Like when I tell them “No” or “Not right now” and they hear, “You’re never going to get it!”

Or when I tell them “Yeah, maybe tomorrow or tomorrow we’ll see” and they hear, “Tomorrow FOR SURE!” so when tomorrow comes and I say “No”, all of a sudden I suck as a parent right?

Today, I shouted out, “Sorry for disappointing you” to my twelve year old for the first time ever. This was in response to her mumbling as she’s walking away, “You said today, but of course, it’s not today!” My entire motherhood (12 years) has been prized on not disappointing them. On being the best mom ever for them because my mother set a very bad example of how to be a good mother. So to me, it means trying to be the person I needed and I’m aware that many parents do this.

Over our quarantining time together, I feel like my children and I have really taken it to another level. I am so real with my kids, sometimes too real, but in reality that’s what they need sometimes. Why should I wait for life to teach them hard lessons when I can slowly introduce them to it and desensitize them before they are adults? Do I do this on purpose? Absolutely not! But when an opportunity arises and I analyze it, I see that I’m teaching important lessons versus “how did I let my child down today?”! See what I did there? (Side note: it is important to note that you shouldn’t let your kid down continuously, that is not the message here!)

Let me explain it.

Today, I disappointed my child, and I knew it was going to be hard for me to do it but I was like, you know what, fuck it. Why? Because life isn’t fair and sometimes they are going to be disappointed. If it’s you disappointing them, at least they will understand it a little more. Especially because you can explain why it’s happening whereas that stranger won’t explain a damn thing.

That’s another important note. Make sure you talk with your children and explain your actions. Yeah, sometimes I’m not the best mom and I make plenty of mistakes! On the days where I feel overwhelmed I tell my kids the truth! “Leave me alone, I need five minutes, ya’ll are TOO much for me right now go take a break!” and I’ll even tell them, “I feel very frustrated right now and I don’t want to yell at you for no reason!” That’s real life! Those are emotions that they need to process and understand that it is totally normal to feel that way. It also took me years to get to this point! I had to slowly become more firm and honest. For their sake and mine!

Again, this is my style and I’m trying really hard to not raise sucky adults. When they are acting like brats, I tell them that too. Being ungrateful is not okay, especially when I know their lives can be much worse because mine was. They have their needs met and more so I believe my contribution to society is raising individuals who also contribute to society. Respectful, grateful, understanding, giving, compassionate, but they must also know boundaries. So yes, they are being raised with a little hood in them because they need to learn to survive. In the end, I’m teaching my kids to survive in this world, without me. That means to notice your emotions, notice when you’re wrong, notice your own flaws so others can’t point them out and then FIX them if they need to be fixed. Understand that you are not always right and that sometimes it’s best to listen instead of talk. These are all really hard concepts to understand but we are practicing all of them slowly throughout pre-teen and teenage years before adulthood smacks them in the face.

My personal advice of the day is, don’t be afraid to disappoint your kids sometimes because if it’s not you, it’s going to be someone else and it’s going to be a harder lesson for them in the future. You’re not a bad parent for not following through 100% of the time. Just try to do your best to teach them accountability but also teach them that some days it’s okay to not follow through because mental health is also important. It’s more important to notice when you need a break and today, I needed a break.

Anyway, today’s disappointment was, you ready for it?

I didn’t want to make homemade noodles with my oldest kid. Supposedly, (maybe I did), I told her that we would. We’ve made things from freaking TIKTOK for the last two nights. I’m done with the TIKTOK stuff, also I’m tired and that sounded like a lot of work. So no, we’re not making noodles today. Yes, she will get over it, but I will also explain to her why so she understands. I also gave her the option to figure it out herself if she wanted to make them and that apparently was too much for her to do.

Parenting isn’t easy, remember to know when you need a break. I needed a break today but that’s okay, we can make noodles tomorrow (or maybe we won’t), I’ll see how I feel at that time. Today, we ate buffalo chicken wraps and she helped with that because guess what, she got over the no noodles thing, imagine that! #Parentsunite

-Dear Perception

I’m Not a Shitty Mom!

anxiety, Parenting, thoughts

The guilt is starting to sink in. It’s been quarantine time. I’ve been lucky enough to be able to work from home and identify a new schedule that works for my family and myself. I’ve been trying to balance this weird life we have right now the best I can. It’s been good, I’ve actually felt mentally okay. For the most part. However today, nope. It’s like the little angry guy from the movie Inside Out kicked the rest of the emotions out and completely took over.

I’ve started going back to the office physically, and the break away from my kids I thought would help. In reality, it’s better if I’m home. At least then, they aren’t all thirsty and craving my attention.

Can we talk about that for a minute?

Why do they need so much attention? I don’t remember being like this as a child! I stayed away from the adults so they couldn’t tell me what to do, I never wanted to be in their conversations. I had a ton of things to say, but never for attention, just to say it. All three of my little attention sucking minions need it though! I realize I will miss it when they are older and gone and it’s not quiet. When I’m bored and wish someone would need me to do something. However, there are definitely times, like today, where I could use that peace NOW!

Let me paint the picture.

Three girls. (That’s probably enough information) but three girls, all have different stories, at the same damn time, and then fighting because nobody is getting to talk. While I’m waiting in a motherfuking churches chicken drive thru, for 30 minutes because their damn drive thru speaker is broken. What is that? How is this even a drive thru, when I can’t even drive thru it because my ass is parked, waiting, to even order, because the damn speaker is broken! Therefore everyone is ordering AT THE WINDOW! Yes, I already pulled a “Karen” and I said they needed a damn super Karen to talk to upper management because how are they not fixing the damn speaker! I haven’t eaten all day, I’ve been gone all day and all I want to do is go home. But please little children, proceed to drain the rest of my energy and talk away, all of you….

In the moment, I went from impatient to furious to thinking the moment was hilarious because why am I even mad right now? Even though I was questioning myself, I was still mad. My kids knew I was angry too so in the back they are just throwing little fuel drops to my fire like, “Mom, how long have we been here?” “You’re really going to tell them about the speaker? Why is the speaker broken?” “This is dumb, this is taking forever!” Meanwhile I’m just getting amped up, ready to talk to this person at the window. Long story short, it was kid, he didn’t know why the speaker was broken, I got my food and complained online like a basic bitch! 🤷‍♀️

The point is, I was angry earlier and I felt like a shitty mom because all I really wanted was a break and the 30 minute car ride to get them wasn’t a break for me. Then it was non-stop when I picked them up and I really, really hate waiting so the drive thru situation was a trigger. In reality, I had to wait at Whataburger first because my oldest wanted that and yeah I should’ve said no but I didn’t so what got to me at the end of it all was I did it to myself!!!

Recognize when you’re mad at your own decisions. It’s comical sometimes like wow, I put myself in this shit. So by the end of the night, we played games and calmed down and I got a sticker for “putting us to bed” my four year old said.

So guess what, I’m not a shitty mom and yeah I felt guilty earlier but now, my kids show me unconditional love like I show them, so I’m alright!

Parents, get through the guilty times and reflect on how to make it better next time. Next time, my ass is going straight home! The End!

-Dear Perception