Mindless Searching

Poetry, thoughts

My mind’s been blank.

What more is there to say.

I try to find every possible way,

to escape.

It’s like I’m floating through time.

Stuck in a real low frequency vibe.

Hanging on for the ride,

until I die.

In the meantime I get bored.

I always want something more.

I search and search,

but there’s nothing new behind the doors.

So I spaz out in the moment.

I really start to get going.

Freely falling and exploring,

the knowledge up in my storage.

Then suddenly there’s too much to do.

I have to look around the room.

Responsibility I have to assume.

For the mess as I create total doom.

For myself and others around me.

The sacrifices they make are astounding.

I am grateful they are so understanding.

As I work and drown out my surroundings.

Find time in the day to tune back in.

Listen to my loved ones once again.

Try to engage, play, make everything blend.

To balance the unbalanced series of events.

It’s work more than play.

It’s zoning out in the day.

It’s trying to find the motivation to be okay.

It’s finding the light when you’ve lost your way.

Sometimes it’s questionable.

How much does everyone know?

Is it something that I possibly show?

This life I’m living, I really don’t know.

I think we’re all just trying to do our best.

Some care a little more than the rest.

Some think a little harder when taking the test.

Some want to be the very greatest.

In the end, we all really end up the same way.

What you have now is what you pick to stay.

What you do now is how you’ll be remembered someday.

Choose to live or go astray, the choice is always yours to make!

-Dear Perception

Rebuild the Ruins

Poetry, thoughts

What can I say?

My mind goes insane.

Manipulation of the brain.

I need to watch what I say.

I need to stop before I speak.

I need to listen to what I preach.

It’s a dangerous war, I can’t claim defeat.

I got a lot of people who are looking at me.

And I never say it but I might say it now.

It’s all piling up and I’m falling down.

Some days I feel high up and other days I drown.

Some days I can conquer, but I’m not right now.

If we could all be honest, without judgement.

I could speak up just a little more on it.

I could try to help everyone overcome it.

I could lay it all out for the public.

That I’m learning to accept myself.

That I’m learning to forgive myself.

I’m learning things that I thought were too complex for myself.

It’s hard but I want to be a better human.

I will successfully rebuild the ruins.

We can all be okay if we really want to change.

If we’re truly honest instead of loyal to the game.

Who do you see inside your eyes,

when you lay down at night?

When there’s nobody around,

what makes your heart feel light?

It’s okay if you don’t know the answers to these questions.

I’m finding out we’re all just taking chances and making guesses.

There’s not really a manuscript to end up where we are destined.

Lead by our thoughts and decisions taught by our ancestors.

I hear them telling me to remember that I can always do better.

Dear Perception

Sorry Mother Earth! 🌎🌍🌏

current events, Poetry, thoughts

This world right now, is a hard place to live in.

I keep reminding myself, focus on the present.

But time isn’t telling, these feelings won’t fade.

There’s a knot in my stomach, are we gonna be ok?

Close my eyes and breathe out, repeat till I’m sleeping.

Let all my thoughts drown, I’m in way too deep.

And my life isn’t how I want it it be.

So I constantly wonder of the future I can’t see.

This history we’re living through,

I’m in denial.

How did it end up like this?

This nation’s on trial.

And though I’m not here to blame

We should all be ashamed.

How else do you think that anything could change?

When we can’t even find our compassion anymore,

For the people all around us, for my children and yours.

-Dear Perception

Influenced Mind

Poetry, thoughts

I let it overpower me.

It was pulling me down like gravity.

Like I couldn’t escape it,

What a tragedy.

Such a sight to see.

The raging me.

I quieted the rage because it was wrong.

I needed to show that I was strong.

That we all make mistakes all along.

But we can fix them if we wanted to belong.

To a society of peace and kindness.

We can’t all lead the blind with our blindness.

We have to be way more open minded.

We have to give our children better mindsets.

But the brain and the mind aren’t on the same page.

One is pulling me in the opposite way.

My actions are running astray.

It’s time to reset, run away!

If only it was all so easy.

Escape to an alternate reality.

Meditation, that’s what provides clarity.

It helps you reset to live in peace.

I guess there’s some turns along this path.

It’s time to get back on the right track.

Find balance within, no looking back.

I only want peace, what’s wrong with that?

Analyze, listen, repeat.

I’m just trying to be a better version of me!

-Dear Perception

Moms and Depression

advice, anxiety, depression, mental health, Parenting, thoughts, trigger warning

Mom Kills 5 Children and Herself, Notes left behind scream Mental Health Issues

I’ll summarize the article above as it fucking sucks to read.

A 25 year old mom of 5 kids, 3 biologically hers and 2 step children.

She killed all of the kids, set the house on fire, before shooting herself in the head outside at the picnic table.

She left notes explaining her mental health state and how she lost the battle.

Something I don’t understand: why the children?

This topic is a controversial one as many people won’t understand how it got to be this bad.

The husband ignored the signs. He probably thought she was crying out for attention. He called off a welfare check because he thought she was okay despite her constant texts that she was not.

The next day, all of his kids would be gone.

My heart hurts for the ones left behind, for those children who endured this evil act, and for the mom.

Moms, we deal with a lot of shit sometimes.

We’re out in this world trying to play the roles of multiple people and then people question us when we lose our shit.

We’re almost expected to run households while also trying to keep up with the demands of the world.

This mom killed herself and her family because she lost the support she had for 10 days! Her husband went to stay at his fathers to be closer to work and she was supposed to hold the fort down.

Only she couldn’t. Because she was 25 years old trying to raise five young children.

I’m 30 trying to raise 3 children and let me tell you, it’s not easy.

I watched my mom try to kill herself multiple times because the pressure became too much.

I’m not saying what she did was right, I’m just saying it’s time for people to stop expecting mom’s to uphold this superhero role. It’s unrealistic and a lot of mothers are struggling.

Families are broken these days. Moms are often left to figure it out. More moms than dads but for the dads who feel like this too, I’m not discrediting you at all!

Parents in general, if you feel alone, reach out to someone. Save your babies before you hurt them. It’s not cool to put the kids through things because you can’t mentally handle it and it’s OK to say that you can’t do it!

Our minds are crazy and can really cause us to do things that we regret. In this ladies case, had she had someone just check in on her, maybe the kids would still be here and maybe she would be too!

Check on your friends and parents, hang in there. We are all just surviving the best we can!

-Dear Perception

Wandering Mind 🧠

advice, Poetry, thoughts

Learn about me.

Learn with me.

Learn.

Either way, do it with a fire that burns.

Burn it into your brain.

The knowledge is yours to regain.

Asks questions along the way.

Question everything you hear, see, and say.

Question all of our society.

It’s a puzzling reality that people refuse to change.

And when you ask these questions, question yourself.

Are you contributing or are you detrimental?

Do you truly care or just crave attention?

Is what you’re doing really worth a mention?

Have you thought beyond your current situation?

Who’s really looking out for you and me, besides ourselves?

Everyone has some kind of sad story to tell.

I’m not belittling your tale.

I’m just saying we either win or we fail.

We either work or cry and complain.

Or there’s room to do both, just don’t lose your aim.

What do you want from life?

Be honest, it’s time.

Is your current life aligned with your future goals?

Are you living in the present moment while you go?

There’s always so many things to consider and think about.

Really, how do you feel, because that should count!

Listen to your emotions.

They usually talk pretty loud!

-Dear Perception

Meet Those Deadlines ✍️

advice, Parenting

Today, I scheduled a meeting with my kid.

I planned it ahead of time.

I told her 4pm, we can do something together.

And you know what happened?

At 4pm, maybe a few minutes late in true fashion, I played a game with her.

You know what’s super fucking sad?

I scheduled a meeting with my kid!

I treated her like a job, and oh snap I paid even more attention to her.

I had a picnic this evening as well on a blanket, in the kitchen.

All three girls and myself, just hanging out having a random ass picnic put together by my four year old.

Today, I also played babies with my 4 year old, unscheduled.

Why?

Because I realized if I treated my children the way I treat my job, I would pay more attention.

I would stop postponing these memories.

Before I know it, they are lost in their own “teenage” world when in reality, did we push them there?

Our jobs are important, and these children are our jobs!

Our lifelong job.

We are replaceable at work.

We are not replaceable in our children’s hearts.

As my children sleep, I advise you all to disconnect, and meet those deadlines.

Your child’s future depends on it!

-Dear Perception

Move Forward

advice, mental health, thoughts

Stop going back to the same shit!

It’s time to move forward and never question why it happened. If it happened, there was a reason.

Give the same energy other people give. Fuck benefits of the doubt, fuck that they might be a good person, that you can shape them.

I say we give time limits.

Set boundaries, up your standards realistically.

If you’re a good person, if you provide and survive independently, then chase that shit.

If you’re not, then don’t expect to have someone just come in and take care of you.

Match your partner!

Match your friends!

Match the energy!

I pay attention to how I feel.

I make decisions based on the energy and the analyzed situation.

I don’t jump into things without thinking.

I think too much sometimes but that’s okay, if I’m wrong I’m wrong.

I’m not scared to admit that I have flaws and make mistakes.

The human population has turned into this competitive melting pot and we are all just melting.

Melting into pools of blood and tears of sadness.

The population kills itself because life is too difficult and complex for us to understand. So we give up.

Some don’t but some do and it’s terrifying.

Terrifying that we literally control ourselves but we can’t control ourselves.

That we choose to make excuses or we can’t grasp the concept of working harder and being better than our examples.

You grew up and believe it or not, what you do as an adult typically mirrors your elders, all of them.

Your parents or caregivers, your teachers, your older peers.

You look around and see things and you like them. Why? Why do you like them?

Is it something beneficial that you are mirroring?

Think deeper and question yourself instead of others.

Think beyond what you were taught and what you see.

Think about who you are when nobody is looking.

Are you happy with yourself? 

-Dear Perception

Rethink your Thoughts 🤐

mental health, Poetry, thoughts

I want to be positive.

I want to calm my mind, quiet it.

Just for a bit.

I want to be peaceful.

I want nothing to affect my soul.

That’s the goal.

I want to be a kind person.

One that is constantly learning.

The desire is burning.

The problem is there’s too much to know.

There’s not enough time for me to divulge,

In endless knowledge, you know?

So day in and day out, I get lost.

Distractions are surrounding us.

Look up.

Absorb your environment.

Connect and thrive in it.

You’re on a time limit.

Do you want to be positive?

Do you want to calm your mind and quiet it?

Just for a bit?

-Dear Perception

Reflection 💭

mental health, Poetry, thoughts

I’m not at my best.

This is hard to confess.

Yet when I look up in the mirror.

I see a fucking broken mess.

There’s things I wish I handled better.

Signs that I should get myself together.

I don’t quite understand the way I operate.

There’s levels inside that I must learn to navigate.

Unlock the triggers that set me off.

The train is wrecking but maybe it could stop.

If I just sit and think of how to calm my mind.

The mechanisms in place don’t work all the time.

They say to breathe in and out and in again.

They say to take a walk, don’t let the demons win.

They don’t deny that the demons lie within.

That’s darkness talking, light must overcome this.

The problem is that darkness there is pretty strong .

He takes the light and makes it seem all wrong.

It’s easy to turn my back when I’m just going along.

Stuck in this zombie stage, can’t get out of it mode.

Is that because I often tend to lose myself.

To try to please the world and save everyone else?

The changes that need to be made start with me.

Make the decision to figure it out and set myself free.

-Dear Perception