Iāve taken a break from writing, although Iām trying to make a comeback.
Can we talk about how fucking crazy life has been for a second?
Iām not sure what everyone else is up to, but Iām busy AF!
Work, kids, home life, and to be quite honest, reading has been consuming my writing time.
Iām super deep in a book and once I finish it, Iāll review it for you all.
As for now, hereās a check in.
Mentally, I feel the stress and the chaos, anxiety and depression trying to win, however it wonāt.
At least not yet anyway.
Thereās a ton of positive and negative things in my life but I think we all have positive and negative situations and it really just depends on how you view the situation and if you are going to dwell on the negative situations, find solutions for them, or completely ignore them.
Whatever you choose to do, I hope itās the choice that makes you happy and feeling more positive.
Take out the sage.
Light some candles.
Go to church and pray.
Read that book you keep putting off.
Whatever it is that makes you feel peaceful, do it.
Be happy but realistically happy. Donāt be the sprinkles that overdo the fucking cake happy.
Just be the amount of sprinkles that makes you and others around you happy to be in your company!
Happy writing and happy reading or happy doing whatever the hell makes you happy!
This argument, in all the years Iāve had to pick a side for an argumentative essay, Iāve never chosen a side.
Okay, before we start on todayās rant, letās keep in mind this isnāt the typical debate. Weāve all had to learn about nature vs. nurture, and if you havenāt basically itās about a person and the way they turn out as an adult, is it a product of nature (natural events such as genetics) or nurture (the way they were raised). Thereās also something now called epigenetics which says that nurture can affect the genes. š¤Æ Read More Here.
Thereās definitely not a definitive answer to this question though.
The answer is both or all of it. š¤·āāļø
People can develop their own ideas and constructs from anything. Look around at the world. All of the controversy is typically because of differing opinions, or misinterpretation, or a different perspective. Therefore, nature vs. nurture wise, you can become who you are based on both, depending on how you choose to interpret it.
Let me lay it out.
Iām a product of both.
My parents were drug addicts, in and out of jail, rehabs, multiple different people in their lives, domestic violence, check!
My mom suffered from schizo affect disorder and bipolar disorder. Risk factor for me, pretty high.
I moved over 15 times in the span of 13 years…. no military affiliation. I saw cocaine and needles at the age of 3. I saw physical fighting, hammers being thrown, hair being pulled, my mom smacking my dad upside the head with a frying pan, stepdad choking my mom out while she beat him upside the head with a cordless phone charger. Iāve seen some things, but I recognize itās not as bad as some people still.
Iāve seen my mom purchase a gun with a silencer because she was tired of the neighbors partying. And Iām not saying she killed anybody, Iām just saying I never heard those neighbors party again, because they moved shortly after.
Iāve seen the cop car lights in the middle of the night, Iāve been unsure or where I was going to live. Iāve woken up with no electricity, literally gotten dressed in the dark. Iāve gone without eating and Iāve gone without basic things you would think all children have growing up, trust me. Again, I want to recognize that some children still have it worse. Letās not forget #saveourchildren.
Itās easy to fall into the statistics with this background. Not to say I didnāt, because I most definitely did in some aspects.
I started partying at age 12. Drinking, smoking, acting wild. I did that. I smoked my first cigarette when I was 6. Wtf was I even doing? I stole from stores and hid drugs for people at the age of 7. I skipped school, I hung out with the gangbangers, I started a āgangā, high school shit, Iāve carved into my skin, the whole cutting phase was a thing, and I never backed down from anything or anyone, ready to fight at all times.
My dad kicked me out at age 16. I got pregnant at the age of 17. So yeah, to say I didnāt alter my life negatively in some ways, I wonāt lie about. My first born was my savior though. She really doesnāt even understand.
I went through a rebellious kid phase that lasted from age 6-17/18 I guess. It was a crazy journey but I adapted to my surroundings as best as I could. Thatās not me anymore, to an extent.
I graduated high school with a 3.95 GPA. I never failed a class. Only got suspended once, surprisingly. I graduated earlier than the rest of my class. I started college immediately after and went on to earn my Masters degree at the age of 26. Today Iām a behavior analyst managing a fucking clinic! I have a house, three kids now, and Iām hustling everyday to never go back to where I came from.
On the flip side, Iāll never forget where I came from. Would I say I made it? Absolutely but I still have more goals to accomplish.
One thing is for sure, my kids will never have to struggle but they will know about the struggle.
So nurture wise, it played its part, but nature wise, instinctively I was stronger. I mean, I have my weaknesses mentally, Iām not okay all of the time. Nurture wise, that did mess me up a little, but nature wise, Iām still stronger. I will still fight to ensure a better life for myself and my children.
So to the great debate, I say donāt let that determine who you become. Let it all play a part, but in the end make your own decisions! You do have control over your choices now, if you let some of that baggage thatās holding you down go. Donāt let the past define everything about you. It will affect you, it will be hard to overcome triggers, it will be difficult. Thatās not sugar coated. Itās up to you to fight and not give up, even when it feels like life is crushing you, you can turn it around. Think outside of the box. Think survival. Because if thereās anything that is natural human instincts, survival is one of them!
That sounds terrible right. When people talk about kids, typically the response is, “Oh my god, you should have a baby!” Don’t listen to those friends. Those friends, especially if they have kids, are LYING!
Let me explain a little further. I had my first kid at 17. Young, right, I know. Then I had my second one at 19, which is still pretty young but I was two years deep into parenting so I figured I had motherhood figured out.
The younger me, I would’ve told you like yes have some kids. They aren’t that bad. Maybe, maybe the people who tell you to have kids don’t have more than two. Let me tell you, two is the maximum amount of kids anyone should have.
It was the third child that made me break. It tipped the scale. The balance is now out of sync. I have a two older children now and a baby. The baby needs all of the attention, but the older kids aren’t that much older, so they also require attention. There’s never a break and nobody is ever satisfied, and being the perfect mom, that doesn’t exist. Let’s be real.
What I mean by don’t do it, yes the third child tipped the scale but the third child also seems to be the easiest to take care of. My patience level has developed at the age of 29, I was 26 at the time of having her. I was almost completely done with my masters degree, about to sit for the exam to make my career take off.
So when I say, and people will tell you I say it often, “Don’t do it”, I mean, Don’t do it until you are ready. Being a mom at 17, 19 years old, struggling to make ends meet, trying to go to school full-time, work a couple of jobs, and still raise them. That was difficult. When in reality, I should’ve waited. I should’ve done everything first, gotten my degree, established my career, felt okay with life, then brought my children into this world. My older two went through way more struggles with me than my youngest one. All because I wasn’t ready. So if I tell you, “Don’t do it”, I mean, make sure you’re ready! Being a mom or a parent at that, is not easy. It’s cute when they are little, I get the baby fever, but in reality they grow up, they don’t listen sometimes, they laugh when you are angry, they test your fucking patience. In addition to that, they violate all of your privacy, they take all of your money, they eat ALL of the food, and they require a ton of attention. If you like any of the above mentioned things and you don’t want to share or you don’t have money to spend on the diapers, the wipes, the formula, the food, the clothes, the school activities, all of that, then yeah, Don’t do it!
